You schedule your wedding in the middle of January without a thought about weather conditions.
You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping the food will swim by.
Formal is a tucked in flannel shirt.
You start complaining if there's no snow by Thanksgiving.
You keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it isn't worth taking them off for only two months.
You have a town with men foolish enough to play a tackle football snow bowl on the Sunday after Christmas for 37 years in a row.
You know how to polka, and enjoy it.
Your freezer is warmer than it is outside, and you don't immediately wonder if it's broken.
You think a basketball team consists of twelve white boys.
There are two seasons: winter and road construction.
You'll never get sick of Da Yoopers "Second Week of Deer Camp".
You've actually HEARD of Da Yoopers.
You can leave your ice cream in the car while you go into Fleet Farm,
and it won't melt.
All your kids at school are above average.
Your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February.
Your dad's sun tan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
forehead.
You believe the only REAL vehicles have skis in front and a loud motor
under your seat.
You may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk.
Half your friends are Lutheran.
The other half are Catholic.
You don't think it's at all weird for Wal Mart to be selling swimsuits
and winter coats mere feet from each other.
You like the Winter Olympics better than the Summer Olympics.
You've had to replace your mailbox three times this winter because the
snow plow hit it.
You consider snow banks to be "just another rough" on the golf course.
You know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.
You think hotdish is one of the major food groups.
You think anyone who says "casserole" instead of "hotdish" is trying to
be uppity.
You have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
Your best clothes are reversible; from blaze orange to camouflage.
You have ever thought Michelangelo's statue of David was "indecent".
Your idea of creative landscaping is a pair of kissing Dutch kids next
to your Blue Spruce.
You were delighted to get a miniature snow shovel for your 3rd
birthday.
Your birthday was in April, and you still got to use the shovel right
away.
Your definition of a small town is one that has only one bar.
Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
You know how to say Wauwatosa, Manitowoc, and Waukesha.
The "Big Three" means Miller, Old Milwaukee, and Pabst Blue Ribbon.
You think that ketchup is a little too spicy.
You think the expression "to open a can of worms" means "to go
fishing".
You know what cow tipping is.
You support the preservation of forests, farmland and wetlands because
that's where you hunt deer, pheasants and geese.
Your daily meals are breakfast, dinner, and supper.
At least 25% of your relatives work on a dairy farm.
Every January, from age 2 to 13, you let your older siblings talk you
into putting your tongue on a steel post.
Being a "Red Wing fan" means you like their new line of hiking boots.
Traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee.
You believe human beings must all go through a frozen dormant period
for four months every year.
You consider Lime Jell-O a highly versatile food: a breakfast dish when
it is filled with fruit, a salad when it has shredded carrots and a dab of
mayonnaise, and a dessert when topped with dreamwhip.
The physician giving a lecture on gastro-intestinal disorders talks
about your "tummy".
You have gotten frostbitten and sunburned on the same weekend.
You never had to rewind any part of "Fargo" because you missed some of
the dialogue.
Your town isn't trying to be ironic when it plans a "winter carnival".
You always believed that vacation meant "going up north."
Your bank has the name of your town included in its name.
Your town has an annual festival honoring a fruit, vegetable or ethnic
food.
You can identify a Michigan accent.
Plugger cartoons make sense.
You praise the parents of the state's top basketball player for pulling
him off of the team until his grades improve.
You believe that bitter cold, a slippery surface and speed go together
in a sport and on the Interstate.
The temperature in February is above freezing for three days in a row,
and you think it's summer.
You think it's best to eat Jell-O after it's molded.
You laugh out loud every time you see a news report about a blizzard
shutting down the entire east coast.
You learned to drive a tractor before you took the training wheels off
your bike.
Your mom asks "Were you born in a barn?" and you know exactly what she
means.
The first time you saw "Grumpy Old Men" you thought it was a
documentary.
You think that "UFF DA" is a standard English phrase.
You can recite, from memory, more than a half-dozen "Ole and Lena"
jokes.
You know people named Ole and Lena.
"Down south" means Chicago.
You are convinced that "deer season" should be a holiday.
You thought "deer season" was already a holiday.
You thank God every morning for not making you an Iowan.
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