FFFFFFFFF M M EEEEEEEEE
F MM MM E Farm Macheenery
F M M M M E (exploding)
FFFFF M M M M EEEEE Issue #41
F M M M E
F M M E
F M M EEEEEEEEE
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The Writers (in no particular order):
Renee Elrod (aka eener): djwerner@netime.com
Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): melvan@pressenter.com
Extra Staff:
Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis)
--DP's brother & computer expert
FME on the web: http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Welcome to yet another fun-filled issue of Farm Macheenery (exploding)
Magazine! We do hope that you enjoy your weekly dose of stoopidity as
much as we enjoy writing it!
First up this week, a story melvan wrote about working at Pizza Hut:
"A Short Essay (with a long title) about Working at Pizza Hut"
The short version: Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it doesn't. Like on
payday.
The slightly longer version:
OK, some background. The make table is where we make the pizzas (hence
the name "make table"). In this table are about 20 pans of different
sizes for the sauces, cheese, and toppings. Health laws require us to
flip these pans every night when business slows down - so the stuff on the
bottom of the old pan goes to the top of the new pan and it all gets used.
Then there's less chance of food spoiling.
Cool, eh?
Anyway, this has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of what I'm going
to write - except that one night while I was flipping these pans, one of
the other cooks decided to re-write a certain song: "Someone's flipping,
Lord, Kumbayah...Someone's flipping, Lord, Kumbayah...."
This particular co-worker of mine has a - er, um, STRANGE sense of humor.
Never a dull moment when he's around. A particular favorite pastime of
his while at work is making fun of any song that comes on the radio - or
saying things like "You know, I sang backup on this album....Yeah, me and
Bob Dylan go waaaaay back...."
He's also a drummer in a band, so that might have something to do with his
personality - when you beat on things all the time, it's gotta do
something to your brain....
Just my two cents...and some of your mom's meatloaf - sorry, another Pizza
Hut inside joke....
The long version: Wait for the movie!!
####################
AS THE TRACTOR BURNS
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
The Characters:
Raul: played by Jim Varney
Esmerelda: played by Roseanne
I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson
Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur
Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey
Buffy: played by Princess Di
Last time on ATTB: I don't even remember, so I'm not even going to try to
pick up where we left off. Why should that surprise you?
Oh yes! Of course! The entire cast is going to drown in a can of
Mountain Dew this week!! Now I remember!
Entire cast: Help! We're falling into a can of Mountain Dew!!
The End.
**************
Wise Sage
**************
**Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up
at night, wondering? Ask the Wise Sage!
email re11@uwrf.edu with your questions
Due to eener moving last week, the Wise Sage column is not here this week.
It will return again next week, or whenever we have questions to be
answered.
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Fruit Bats in your Toilet
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**To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or
whatever in this section, email melvan@pressenter.com
Yikes! We have more fruit bats than we know what to do with!
French Toast
Warm, moist,
Smothered in sweetness
A fork gently slicing a buttered edge
Aunt Jamima!
Log Cabin!
Running sap flowing from the silent Maple.
More PLEASE!
More French Toast...
Marvin of 41
the other day my friend got a job at the dollar store and everyone made
fun of her. she was not ashamed however, she said, "Nothing bad has ever
happened to anyone at the dollar store." The next day, a dollar store
employee was found completely duct taped in the storage room of the store
and all the money had VANiSHED!!!! My friend quit.
--Indiegyrl
A response to FME #39, in which we stated that the fruit bats died:
I had a pet fruitbat,
but he died.
To say I didn't love him,
I'd say I lied.
I'm sad he's gone,
but my heart will mend.
Cause when we played hide'n seek,
He'd always get me "in the end".
IUDTG
----------------
Dumb Poetry in a
Card Type Trash
----------------
Hunger
------
I rush out the door
I would eat more
breakfast
if only I had
a mouth.
eener
Smile...
--------
because the sky is blue
because the grass is green
because of a Hershey's candy bar
because of the Energizer Bunny
because you're not eating lutefisk
because you have a mouth
because.
eener
Sleep Deprivation
-----------------
bloodshot eyes
sore muscles
yawning constantly
weird poetry
and zucchini.
melvan
Heating Pad
-----------
Spock raises an eyebrow
as I
mutate.
eener & melvan
Jellybeans
----------
In my Easter basket
I see jelly beans
In my Easter basket
I see Easter grass
In my Easter basket
I see chocolate eggs
In my Easter basket
I see marshmallow birdies
In my Easter basket
I see William Shatner
and realize I'm
not in Kansas anymore
Toto.
eener
NOTE: if you read last week's issue, in which melvan put the list of
stuff found under eener's bed, then you'll understand why we put this poem
in this week's issue
Dissertation on the Meaning of Life
-----------------------------------
MM (Marcel Marceau)
Conflagration
-------------
Microwave oven
to bake
my potato...
flames shoot
from the spud...
it is now
coal...
I wonder if it could
become a
diamond
if I
broiled
it?
eener
NOTE: This DID actually happen to eener once when she put a potato in
the microwave....
:):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
Come visit the Macheen Shed: http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/
This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer, except
for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people. Feel free to
distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not changed in any
way. FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in (in regards to
punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).
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