Life, the universe, and everything - 43

No, I'm not pregnant. That's how long Darrin's been out of work. He's driving buses again, this time for a private company that mainly does charters.

The last two mornings, he's had to get up at 6 am to start work at 7. So now we have to work out how to be a 'normal' family - you know, the kind where Dad gets up and goes to work, and Mum is home with the kids all day.

I'm not sure I know how to do this. The last time Darrin had a job with daytime hours, at least regular daytime hours, was before Chuckie was born. All I remember is how we've done things since he's been working afternoons/nights.

Lots of things will have to change. The meal planning, the homeschooling routine, the fact that now I have to use my own car during the day instead of his (which has much better fuel economy and is WAY more fun to drive). I don't expect to get the hang of it all in a couple of days. This will be an ongoing process of trial and error, till we find out what works best for us.

The first day went pretty much okay. The second day a little less so. Today...well, we take Fridays off school so at least there's less to have to remind the kids about. But we take Fridays off because we have activities, which means leaving the house. We shall see.

I need to have a whinge every once in a while about how crappy this house is, because we desperately need to move somewhere bigger, but:

• Both of us only have Centrelink income at the moment, which is unlikely to look good on a home loan application.


• The housing market is pretty hot right now. Even if we sold this house and had a decent amount to put down as a result, how can we know any of our offers would be accepted?


• Yes, we've thought about selling and renting somewhere, but we have cats, one of which uses the lounge room as her toilet. It's hard enough to find a rental at the moment if you DON'T have pets.

So most of these things could be fixed, yes, but it's not worth it when we plan to move as soon as we're able to. A lot of these things would cost hundreds or thousands of dollars to fix. Which is hundreds or thousands of dollars LESS we'll have when it comes time to buy a new place.

1. 
   
   
   
   1. It's too small. Six people and all their stuff just doesn't fit in a house that's no bigger than 90 square metres (about 970 square feet).
   
   
   2. We only have two electrical circuits that actually work.
   
   
   3. The back door is literally falling apart.
   
   
   4. No garage.
   
   
   5. No front fence.
   
   
   6. Not enough covered space outdoors to hang washing during winter.
   
   
   7. The light circuit freaks out whenever a light globe blows and shuts off.
   
   
   8. The light fixture in the dining room (which we actually just use for computers) doesn't even work.
   
   
   9. There's a possum who lives in the wall between the bathroom and the dining/computer room.
   
   
   10. Louvred windows in the kitchen, bathroom, laundry, and toilet.
   
   
   11. Enormous concrete double sink in the laundry, which should be awesome except...the drain is blocked, so we just pile stuff on top of it.
   
   
   12. The heater can't be set to more than about 18 degrees (64 F) on the coldest nights (when it gets down to freezing or just below), or it'll throw a fit and shut off completely.
   
   
   13. Gravity fed hot water system.
   
   
   14. It's always either JUST too hot or JUST too cold getting the shower temperature just right.
   
   
   15. Separate hot & cold taps in the bathroom. So you either freeze your hands when washing them, or start by freezing them and then slowly work up to burning them.
   
   
   16. Tiles falling off the wall in the bathroom.
   
   
   17. Paint peeling off the bathroom ceiling, because there's no exhaust fan in there.
   
   
   18. I had to convert my built in wardrobe into a second pantry because there's not enough space in the two cupboards in the kitchen.
   
   
   19. Speaking of the kitchen, when we had 3 fully working circuits, I had two power points in there. We had double adapters on both to take it to four (one for fridge, one freezer, one for the microwave, one spare). Now that the third circuit has crapped out, I have zero power points.
   
   
   20. Because of where my Thermomix is, I have to run a cable from the dining/computer room into the kitchen.
   
   
   21. The kitchen cupboard doors keep falling off, because they've fallen off and been put back on multiple times.
   
   
   22. We have to run an extension cord from Caleb's room into the laundry room in order to do laundry, because - you guessed it - the two laundry power points are on the third inactive circuit.
   
   
   23. Oh, and we have to run another extension cable from Caleb's room to power the fridge and freezer.
   
   
   24. Because of the electrical circuit situation, I can't do washing at night or early in the morning when the bedroom heaters are on. Well, I could, if I wanted to trip the circuit.
   
   
   25. Everything about this house screams 'afterthought.'
   
   
   26. The side fences are falling down.
   
   
   27. The house faces southwest, which is great when the cool change comes in - the fresh breeze blows through the whole house. Well, it does the same thing with all the windows and doors closed when we have a cold northeast wind in the winter. And it's FREEZING.
   
   
   28. The oven door doesn't shut properly, thanks to a toddler who used to climb up on it and bounce. It's also coming apart.
   
   
   29. Chuckie & Micah's room has a sliding door, which Elijah knows how to operate, so he gets in and plays with stuff he shouldn't.
   
   
   30. This photo. See that corner with the bench space, next to the oven and the sink section? Do you know what's UNDER that corner bench? Scroll down to find out...
   
   
   
   

 

NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! What a complete waste of space.

Things I DO like about this house:

• It's a great location. Close to public transport, shops, playgrounds.


• It's a good sized block.


• The neighbours are generally quiet.

So have we thought about knocking down and rebuilding? Yes, but...

• We'd still have to rent somewhere for about 6 months, which would cost a lot of money, and see above about the cat with toilet problems.


• We'd either have to have a LOT of money saved up to put down on the building costs, which takes a long time, or increase our loan to the point it's too big a percentage of our income and/or takes too long to pay off.

So yeah. We're kinda stuck right now. And it sucks.

So I'm blogging again. Or I will be. I guess technically I am right now.

But yeah, here we go. Because I don't trust Facebook to keep the rules the same from day to day. Because almost all my friends are still on Facebook and Instagram. Because even if a lot of my friends do switch to something like Gab or MeWe, I still don't have control over those websites. So I can write whatever I want here and I'll never get cancelled or put in Facebook jail or anything stupid like that. The only person I have to worry about offending is my sysadmin, and I'm married to him, so he can just deal with it.

"Mum, what's for dinner?"

Those are the words every mum dreads, every night. What IS for dinner?

For a very long time, my meal planning was sporadic at best. Sometimes it was nonexistent. Many nights, I'd stand in front of the fridge or freezer, wondering what the heck I was going to pull out of thin air to make a meal with. Many of those nights, I'd end up spending $20 across the road on chicken and chips.

It was not good for our budget, or our health.

So the middle of last year, after listening to Dave Ramsey's The Total Money Makeover (affiliate link), I decided our food budget needed an overhaul. And I was determined to find a way to make meal planning finally WORK for our family.

This is what I've come up with from scouring the interwebs to make my meal planning way easier.

Step 1: Write out any appointments, classes, or other events you're doing this week.

I don't remember if I heard this tip from somewhere else, or came up with it myself. But when I started my meal planning journey in earnest, I created a printable that let me write down not only the meals for each day, but also our activities for each day. This was a game changer.

It meant no longer planning too ambitious a meal for a day when we were busy close to a meal time. If you do want to include take away meals in your budget, these are the nights perfect for them. If your budget can't handle that right now, leftovers or premade meals are your friend here.

Step 2: Make a list of everything in your fridge, freezer, and pantry - especially the things that are getting close to the use-by date.

Taking inventory of your kitchen is a must. It'll help you use up those leftovers and the last of the sour cream tub before it goes mouldy. This, in turn, saves you money. Winning all over the place!

While you're writing your inventory, go ahead and throw out those week-old leftovers that are starting to grow fur. Eww.

Step 3: Create a meal plan from what you have on hand, and create a shopping list as you go.

Jordan Page calls this "shelf cooking" - where you make a meal plan based on what you already have in your kitchen, and supplement with things you buy. It's backwards from what I was doing all along, and it works so much better!

For instance, while doing your inventory, you wrote down pizza bases, passata, and mozzarella cheese. If you also have some leftover roast chicken or other meat you can quickly cook, you've got pizzas just from things you already have at home.

Put a tick or a star by these items (or cross them out) showing that you've come up with a use for them.

Let's say you found some mince in the freezer, and you have a bit of sour cream and salsa in the fridge, and a box of taco shells in the pantry. Obviously you're having tacos one day this week.

But you're out of cheese. You can't have tacos without cheese! So you put cheese on your shopping list.

Do the same with every meal - tick off the ingredients you're using, and write down any you need.

Bonus meal planning tip: Note the forecast for each day of the week.

I live in stinking hot South Australia, so every week during the summer, I jot down the predicted temperature for each day BEFORE I plan my meals. I don't want to be cooking a roast or a lasagna on a day when it's going to be 40 degrees outside. My house is already hot enough, thank you very much!

I'm thrilled to be part of the Introverted Mom content tour, celebrating the release of Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy by Jamie C. Martin. Releases 7 May 2019. Preorder now and get a bunch of bonuses, and (if you're Stateside) it'll arrive in time for Mother's Day.

Because I'm a mum to four kids, the youngest being just shy of 6 months old at the time of this writing, I've left this post till almost the last minute. So the best thing I could come up with is to write about an average day in our house. Which will change in another month because kids grow, seasons change, and nothing ever stays the same. But here's what my life is like now.

Sometime between 7-8 am, I'm awake for the day while my night working husband keeps snoring away. Either one or both of my smaller boys (who sleep in our bedroom with us) has woken me up. I drag my tired self out of bed and change the baby's nappy in the bathroom, at the same time trying to convince my two year old to wee in the shower. He eventually does.

Straight from there, I go into the kitchen, where the two year old says "something to eat, Mum." Which is really code for "I want you to open the fridge so I can play with everything and ask you the name of everything I don't know yet." Sometimes, we manage to both agree on something he can eat before the fridge starts beeping that the door's been left open too long. Other days, I shut the fridge before he's decided and because he's two, he has a meltdown.

I put the baby on the floor or in the high chair while I put the kettle on, and think about what I want to accomplish that day. Sometimes I do the dishes first thing in the morning if I'm feeling ambitious. Other days I make my cup of tea and sit at my computer for ages scrolling through Facebook because I'm just too tired.

My 7 year old usually gets up next. I say good morning, he finds his breakfast and sits down with a book to read. Out of four kids, he's our only introvert. I call him a ninja. Sometimes I forget he's there, he's so quiet. Tell me how two introverted parents end up with THREE extroverted kids. While you're at it, tell me how two introverted parents end up with so many kids in the first place!

Anyway. Eventually the oldest gets up. He's 12. This is when I know I can go out shopping, or get some other stuff done that I can't do while holding a baby. He's pretty competent looking after his little brothers - a bit impatient, but he's 12.

10 am and it's time for the older boys to do their lessons. We homeschool, and they have a certain number of workbooks that they do on their own each day. Twice a week they do maths with their dad. Sometimes, as you'd expect, they complain.

Usually around this time, the baby goes down for his morning cat nap. He'll sleep about 15 minutes in the Ergo - on my front if I'm sitting at my computer, or on my back if I'm working in the kitchen.

After the kids finish their lessons, which SHOULD only take half an hour on a good day, they usually go outside to play. The two year old goes with them.

Around 11 most days, my husband gets out of bed. We're both night owls, which is why he chose to work the shift he's on, but some days the wait to 11:00 feels like an eternity.

Let's call today Tuesday. That's one of the days he does maths with the older boys, and we usually don't have to go anywhere. So after he's up and about, and had his morning caffeine fix (not coffee or tea - Coke), they get their maths books out and talk about that day's lesson.

Usually during the maths lesson, I need to get lunch started. And the baby wants me. And the toddler needs to be supervised. Sometimes it's a struggle to keep everything in check. If the older boys are having a good day, they get through their maths lesson quickly. On other days, one or both need extra motivation. One boy in particular has a tendency to think everything is too hard and might try to avoid his work.

Lunch time comes around, and it's also the baby's nap time. As it always is when Mum wants to sit down and eat! I usually take him into the bedroom and lie down with him to feed him to sleep, then come back to my cold lunch once he's settled.

Then hubby has to get ready for work, which means I'll be on my own with them for the rest of the day. Yep, I get to do bedtime with 4 kids all on my own.

It isn't always as bad as it sounds though. The older two can get themselves ready, and now that the baby has more of a routine, it's just the two year old's inconsistency that throws things into chaos. For now.

But before that happens, there's the afternoon and the evening to get through. And I still, most likely, haven't had a minute to myself since I woke up, unless I actually got to go to the toilet by myself. By this time it's starting to show in my mood, if it hasn't already been obvious. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) we have a convenience store right across the road (literally - our driveway and their exit almost line up perfectly) that sells chocolate. I have no idea how much money I've spent over there on Medicinal Chocolate in the last 12 years, but I'm sure it's a lot.

(I was lucky enough to get on the launch team for Introverted Mom, so I've been reading the book before release date. I'm finding some strategies to get more time to myself throughout the day that I need to start implementing. Things like a mandatory 'quiet time' for everyone - but it's hard to do in a small house, with so many kids, and a baby who doesn't necessarily sleep at the same time each day.)

So the baby's asleep, the older kids may or may not be playing on screens, and the two year old is probably begging me to watch The Wiggles. Because I need a break from the chaos, I let him watch an episode as long as he sits on the potty first.

If I'm very, very lucky, the baby will stay asleep through the Wiggles and I'll get half an hour to an hour of (relative) peace and quiet in my office at the back of the house. I'll sneak my chocolate, listen to podcasts, play computer games, or try to get some work done for a client.

If I'm very, very unlucky, the two year old will fall asleep watching the Wiggles which means he'll be up late. My worst nightmare at the moment.

And now it's dinner time, and kids are starting to get tired, and fight, and melt down over the silliest things. Because my husband works nights, we have our family meal at lunch, and usually leftovers for dinner. So the big kids grab their own from the fridge, one of us gets something for the two year old, and we sit down and eat.

After dinner, depending on what time it is, I'll sit down and watch a TV show with all of them, or let the older three watch a cartoon while I get the baby to sleep. The 7 year old goes to bed at 9, then I watch something with the 12 year old and cuddle the two year old till he falls asleep. 12 year old goes to bed at 10, and if the toddler hasn't had a nap, I'm finally free for the day.

Or at least till the baby wakes up for a feed.

My husband gets home anywhere between 10:30 at night and 1:30 in the morning. If it's an earlier night, we'll sit down and watch something together. If it's one of the late ones, I might watch something by myself, or sit in my office and listen to podcasts till about midnight, when I go to bed myself.

Wow, I'm exhausted just reading that back to myself.

How and when do I get time to myself?

1. When the baby goes to sleep, sometimes I stay in the bedroom and lie next to him for a while, just to be away from everyone else.
2. I go for a walk across the road to get chocolate or peach iced tea.
3. I hide in the toilet longer than I need to be in there.
4. I stay up way too late.
5. I escape to go shopping while the baby's asleep. At least I'm alone for the 5 minutes it takes to drive there!

I've pre-ordered the Audible version of Introverted Mom. That's the best way for me to absorb new content at the moment. I'm so looking forward to that.

You can pre-order your copy from Amazon, Book Depository, Koorong in Australia.

May and June are always hard months for me.

8 years ago this month, my little boy Ian was born. He died two days later from brain damage suffered during my pregnancy. I've changed a lot since then.

And every year, without fail, I have trouble keeping up with the duties in my business in the weeks leading up to his birthday. Blogging, client work, you name it. Sure, I do it - at least the most important stuff. But the joy isn't there.

Yeah, it's been a few weeks since I had a post up. It bothers me, but I just haven't been in the right frame of mind to come up with new topics.

Last year, I even had a migraine over his birthday - my first one ever. It happened to start in earnest about the time my labor started, and finally eased up about 24 hours later, just after his time of birth.

Coincidence? I doubt it.

The point of this post isn't to have you feel sorry for me. This is my life, and I accept it. The easy bits, the hard bits, and all the bits in between.

But it's occurred to me that hey, this is predictable. This happens Every. Year. So maybe I should plan for it a bit better next year.

For instance, write up a bunch of blog content to schedule over May & June, so that I don't keep putting off writing a new post when hard times come around. Maybe even get a few guest posts.

Struggling? You're not alone.

My point? If you know there's a certain time of year that you always struggle, don't fight it. Plan for it. Get some stuff done ahead of time so you have less to stress about while you're struggling. Outsource something. Drop something off your to-do list that isn't urgent.

And stop beating yourself up for struggling. We all go through hard times. And you do what you gotta to get through them.

The joy will come back - it always does. It'll just take a while, and that's ok.

I'm turning 40 this weekend. The big four-oh.

Yep, it's a big significant number. What makes it somewhat more significant is the fact that, since I was a kid, I've heard the phrase life begins at 40.

On the other hand, I've always thought that if life begins at 40, then you've wasted 40 years.

But as I get closer to 40, I think maybe both of those are true.

From the time we're born, we're told what to do, how to act, how to dress, where to go. Some of this is necessary - but some of it isn't.

Generally, we're not allowed to just be who we are. Our parents, our teachers, our whole society tells us we have to meet a certain set of criteria and live a certain way.

And it's killing our individuality. It's not surprising so many people have a mid-life crisis when they get to about 40 years old. We don't know who we are anymore, because we've shoved ourselves down so far to make room for the person that the world wants to see!

We don't even know who we really are till we get into our 30s.

Some of this, I'm sure, is because of time and experience. But I'm also equally sure that it doesn't have to take as long as 40 years to work out what we really want from life.

Because when you're told what to do all your life, you either get complacent about making any decisions at all, or you get rebellious and go totally against the flow. Most people fit in the former category, because it's easier.

But if you've gotten complacent, you don't have to live like that anymore.

Let's make 'Life begins at 40' an outdated phrase!

Pursue what makes you happy, and not necessarily what feels 'safe.' If you want to be an artist, a writer, your own boss, whatever - don't let the uncertainty stop you! Sure, having a 9-5 job is steady and reliable income, but is it worth it if you're bored out of your mind?

If you can't afford to quit your full time job, find another way to pursue your interests in your off time. Maybe you don't want to make a business out of it, but life is meant to be lived, not just endured.

And, by all means, ease up on your kids a bit. They'll only be kids for a little while. Let them enjoy it while they can.

Do you think life begins at 40? As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Post a comment below.

People have different reasons for starting their own biz. Some get sick of working to line someone else's pockets. Some want to be home with their kids. Others may have health or family issues that require them to be available at a moment's notice.

Why did I start my own business? Because I have social anxiety, and if I want to work, I don't have a choice.

Let me give you a bit of back story.

I grew up in the United States. I had various jobs there, in various places. Never had trouble getting hired for a job, even though I suffered from social anxiety and selective mutism.

Then I moved to Australia, and it was totally different.

Nobody wanted to hire me. Nobody. They thought my not speaking was just too hard to deal with - even if I could do the job!

I put my resume in at every employment agency I could find. And I can count on one hand the number that contacted me after. But as soon as they found out I couldn't speak, they just didn't contact me again.

I tell you, it was a serious blow to my confidence. I couldn't understand why nobody would hire me - even for menial jobs like washing dishes or cleaning offices. It's not like I was applying for jobs where I'd have to answer phones.

Eventually, one of the employment agencies offered me a job. But after a week, they told me the work had 'dried up' and passed on my case to a different office.

So I gave up on sending out resumes and applying for jobs through the paper. I resigned myself to never having a job in Australia.

I was able to get a couple of cleaning jobs through people I knew. The work was dull, but at least I was doing something, and earning some money, even if it wasn't much. And I was never going to get promoted to anything else in either job.

Then, after my son was born, I started my nappy business. I realised that if I sold my products online, social anxiety didn't matter. And so I started building my biz, and grew more and more confident.

Every sale gave me a boost. Even the little ones.

I realised that a home biz is perfect for someone with social anxiety.

It means I get to decide when - or if - I meet with people in person or ring them on the phone. And I can prepare mentally for it.

So tell me this. Are you, like me, frustrated at the lack of results in finding traditional employment? You don't have to take it lying down.

Do you know you do good work, but every rejection and every time you only hear silence from employers, feels like a punch in the gut?

You're not alone. And you don't have to keep doing it.

If I can start my own business - an introvert, with social anxiety, and selective mutism - then so can you.

Most of you, I assume, take your kids to school in the morning, pick them up in the afternoon, and the hours in between are your working hours.

My family is a little different. We're homeschooling. Now, the reasons for that are many and varied, but the main thing you're probably thinking right now is "How the heck do you manage to work at home when your kids are ALWAYS there?!"

Or, maybe you're considering homeschooling, and wondering how the two can fit together.

So I'd like to share a typical weekday in the Smith house.

A day in the life of a homeschooling family

8 am: My alarm goes off. I get up, check social media, emails, and play games on my tablet for a few minutes to get adjusted to the day. I know a lot of people recommend against this, but it works for me. Also, I usually make myself a cup of tea, and try to remember to drink it before it goes cold!

Anywhere from 7-9 am: My kids wake up. If I'm lucky, they wake up AFTER I do, and I get a bit of peace & quiet to start the day off, which REALLY helps. If I'm not, they wake me up with their fighting at 7:30, and I know a miserable day is ahead.

9 am: My 8 year old starts his lessons in my office/sewing room. We use workbooks for most of his learning. Until this week, he was working on them in the lounge, whilst his younger brother was playing nearby. This week, we began letting him use my office, and things go much smoother. He doesn't complain as much, and it takes him half as long!

10 am: My husband gets up. He's a bus driver and works the night shift, so he HAS to sleep late. This is the point where I can go off to the shops if I need something, even if it's just a half hour break from kids fighting! (Yes, even homeschooled kids fight. Can't get away from that one, I'm afraid.)

11 am: My husband spends about an hour with the kids, teaching maths, science, or geography. While they're doing this, I usually tackle the dishes and cook lunch.

12 or 12:30: we all eat lunch together and watch something on TV. The 8 year old likes Megastructures at the moment, but if Dad has his way, it's Top Gear. Actually, any engineering show goes over well with most of us. What can I say? We're geeks.

1 pm or so: I go into my office and work until my husband needs to go to work. This doesn't happen every day. My husband's schedule varies, and he starts work anywhere from 2 pm to nearly 5 pm. On the late start days, I get a lot of work done in the afternoon.

After Dad goes to work: mostly we all just potter around, play on computers/tablets, watch a bit of TV, play. Sometimes, if the kids are quiet enough (but not TOO quiet!) I can get some work done while they play. On Friday afternoons, we usually meet up with our homeschooling group at a local park.

6-7 pm: dinner time. The kids & I are pretty laid back about dinner. Sometimes I just tell them to grab their own (if there's enough grab-able food in the fridge), and other nights I cook something for all of us.

8 pm: Start bedtime routine. (I've never understood why people think kids should go to bed at 7. That just means they get up earlier!)

9 pm: In bed listening to music with the kids. Once the 3 year old falls asleep, I'm free to do whatever I want.

Sometimes I work after the kids are in bed. Sometimes I'm so knackered from getting them to bed that all I want to do is curl up on the couch with whatever TV show I'm currently watching.

Then, anywhere between 10:30 and 1 am, my husband gets home from work. I'm in bed at 12, but rarely asleep when he gets home. So we chat a bit about how our nights have been, then he usually watches something on TV and comes to bed later.

For the moment, this works for my family. I know that things will change as life goes on, and we'll adjust. I'll still make time to get my work done.

Homeschooling doesn't have to mean the end of your biz. It can actually be an educational tool too!

I had the most bizarre dream last night. Bizarre enough that it's brought me out of blogging retirement.

So we were all in our lounge, just sitting around, when Caleb notices a postie out front. He asked 'Is this for me???' excitedly as if he was expecting something to be delivered. I told him we'd wait & see. The postie left his little scooter at our front door.

Then the postie started bringing all these dark green things, in clear plastic wrapping, out of his big green tank on the road, and putting them on the ground in front of our house. This is strange, I think. Still they don't come to the door to tell us what's going on.

Then we're in my mom's house, and the tank is out behind the house, and Darrin & Chuckie are still in bed. I asked Caleb if he'd put the bins out, because it was Tuesday morning, and he said he hadn't. So I went down the hall, through a bunch of doors, and got the bins and took them down my mom's gravel driveway to the road. Only there was temporary fencing that you see in Australia along one edge of the driveway. So I had to make sure the bins weren't too close to that, and not blocking the driveway either.

The male postie is now a female who's come into the house to tell me that they need to take me out to the van to interrogate me, and it'll only take an hour. Okay, I thought. So I wrote a note with a red pen to leave on Darrin's computer so he'd know where I went. I was trying to rush so I had to scribble out what I started writing and start over. The woman from the van has also been picking up stuff alongside the furniture as if she's going to be bringing something on a sack truck through the room with my sleeping family.

So then I went out to the tank-turned-van, and Caleb followed me. I got in, and Caleb was playing around the back door of the van. The guys working in the van were joking around with each other. One of them said he had $5, as in betting another guy something. We laughed. Then the woman who'd come into the house was sitting in the driver's seat (somehow she was sitting on the right-hand side to drive, but I was sitting on her right and seeing her from that direction). And the engine started to go. And then she and I were suddenly both sitting at the BACK of the van, and the van drove off. Someone asked the woman with me if Caleb had come with us. She said no, but two other kids are in the back. One of them was my friend Louise's youngest daughter.

So...then I asked the woman where we were going, and how long would it take? She said 'Are you having a mental break?' as if to say it was stupid to even ask. But then she said 'Okay,' and as we drove up Cascade Avenue in River Falls, she started cutting spirals through a Target ad in the newspaper. So I got the hint that we were going to Target.

We apparently got to Target, but it didn't look at all like Target. It looked more like the Salvation Army op shop in the middle of Salisbury. And Chuckie was there running around, and ran past one of the doors to the storage area, and I ran after him thinking he was going in there. But he didn't. Instead he ran up to the front, where my mom was looking around. And then Dorothy walked in (my friend Renee's mom - they've been friends almost as long as we have). And she gave me a hug and said she thought it was great that I was there (visiting my mom). And then I FINALLY combed my hair back into a ponytail because it had been bothering me for ages.

And I was in my pajamas the whole time, wondering if I was dreaming, but thinking I couldn't possibly be.

So then later, I was in my mom's dining room with Darrin, discussing the whole experience. He said, 'Well, it's been a week and we haven't heard from any police, so it must not have been that important.' And I found the note I'd written him on the dining room table, proving that it wasn't all a dream.

Well we know how THAT turned out....