You might be an IRC addict…

First of all, this is a HUMOROUS LIST. It is supposed to be FUNNY. So don’t be sending me hate mail over it. I’ve been through this list several times & I can’t think of one reason why people should be offended by it. If you can give me a specific example and tell me WHY it’s offensive (without cussing me out), I’ll listen. I am a recovering IRC addict myself. Many of these lines I wrote from MY OWN EXPERIENCE. So if you’ve got nothing better to do than get offended at a JOKE, don’t even bother to read this page. Get a life.

Second, I’m not adding to this list anymore, because even when I do get lines from people, they’re not very original. Now, on with the list….

  1. if you know your cyberpals better than your own family.
  2. if you speak in constant random abbreviations. (i.e. LOL, brb,
    imho, hehehe, etc.)

  3. if you constantly want to express your thoughts IRC-style. (i.e. /me wants a can of Dr. Pepper)
  4. if you name an IRC channel after yourself (i.e. #melvania).
  5. if you go into deep depression when deprived of a computer.
  6. if you start to smile sideways. 🙂
  7. if you telnet to IRC.
  8. if you put off doing stuff (laundry, cleaning your room, etc.) so
    you can “just check and see who’s there”.

  9. every time you meet someone new IRL, you want to do a /whois…
  10. when you hear a song on the radio and don’t remember who sings it,
    your first thought is to “scroll up” to see what the DJ said.

  11. if you create IRC superheroes.
  12. if people call you by your irc nick more often than your real
    name.

  13. if you refer to your parents, teachers, or boss as “ops”.
  14. if you own a bot.
  15. if you run an irc server.
  16. if you start to write your own server.
  17. if one day you relize that most of the addresses you have in your
    address book are of IRC pals.

  18. if you were amazed to find out Spam is a food.
  19. if you introduce your husband as “my domain server.”
  20. if you refer to your spouse as wife@home.org
  21. when you get home from work, you type /names #home to see who else is
    there.

  22. The biggest laughs you get come from typos made on irc.
  23. if you change your nick when you’re away…i.e. melvan becomes
    mel`sAway, etc.

  24. if you get an extra phone line for the modem just so you can be on irc
    all the time.

  25. if you would rather be at your IRC birthday party than out with real
    people!

  26. if you bring in the new year by chatting on irc.
  27. if someone at work tells you a joke, and you say “ROTFLOL!”
  28. if you have ever had a dream about the people in your channels.
  29. if you have ever dreamed about being on irc.
  30. if you leave the computer on just to see the mIRC logo!
  31. if you watch T.V. with closed captioning turned on.
  32. if your friend Susan tells you something sad on the phone and you say
    “Awwww, /me hugs Susan.”

  33. if you keep begging your friends to get an internet account so “we can
    hang out.”

  34. three words: carpal tunnel syndrome.
  35. if you are laughing at these jokes.
  36. if you want to meet a guy/girl and your first impulse is to turn on
    your computer.

  37. if you once devoted a weekend to “working on your popups.”
  38. if you sometimes go to #egypt “just to get away from it all.”
  39. if you wait for your roommates to say “re.”
  40. if the words “takeover,” “nick collide,” and “flood” make your heart
    beat faster and your hands a little shaky.

  41. if you start predicting netsplits.
  42. sometimes when you type commands from a unix/dos prompt you mistakenly
    begin them with a “/”

  43. if you’ve ever gotten onto an airplane just to meet some folks face to
    face.

  44. if you’re getting antsy because you might be missing something good
    on IRC while reading this!

  45. when you’re tired, you refer to yourself as being “lagged”.
  46. if you try to change your ping reply and quit message daily.
  47. if you reconnect to correct the typos in your quit message.
  48. if you have over 20 megs of .wav files in your mIRC directory.
  49. if you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino’s.
  50. if your child ignores your request and you wonder if she is lagged.
  51. if you send internet Christmas cards.
  52. if you’ve been so anxious to get on IRC you forgot to turn your
    speakers on and can’t figure out why you can’t hear the wavs being played!

  53. if you have ever wondered if there is a #mIRC-anon.
  54. if you have a mIRC web page (or links to any mIRC pages on your page)
  55. if you think that this is not fantasy but real life and you plan your
    whole life around IRC chat!

  56. if you’ve ever logged on to dalnet.
  57. if you join #hispanola “just to work on my Spanish.”
  58. when someone on the channel asks if anyone knows some good servers,
    everyone else types your nick.

  59. if you join busy channels just to talk to yourself because the
    scrolling makes you feel better about it somehow.

  60. if your pregnant wife goes into labor and you stop to type a “special”
    away message.

  61. if YOU go into labor and you stop to type a “special” away message.
  62. if you have a vanity car tag with your nick on it.
  63. if you sell your car to buy a home computer with an internet
    connection.

  64. if you’ve been lagged so bad that you’ve switched servers so much you
    can see your nicks on the channel list 3 times.

  65. if you have ever telnetted to a bot
  66. when you join #mIRC everyone types “Norm!”
  67. one time you used a feminine nick “just to mess with the horny net
    geeks.”

  68. if your service provider calls *you* for tech support.
  69. if you have to scroll through your popup menu.
  70. if your friends are now convinced that IRC stands for “I Repeat
    Classes.”

  71. if you come home from work, look at your kids, and say “ib.”
  72. if you’ve ever gone to one of those form-submit web page ‘chats’ just
    to say “you losers don’t even know what irc is, do you? Huh!? DO YOU!?!”

  73. if you’ve ever typed “drinking on irc is better than drinking alone.”
  74. if you no longer type with proper punctuation, spelling,
    capitalization, or complete sentences..

  75. if you live on #twilight_zone for months praying for an O: line
  76. if you end up with 7 O: lines
  77. to get revenge on someone you know in RL, you mail bomb them..through
    the US postal service, that is.

  78. if you have met over 100 ircers
  79. if you /umode +s because you don’t feel right without it
  80. if you don’t know your boyfriend/girlfriend’s first name
  81. if your boyfriend/girlfriend in RL gets on IRC because it’s the only
    way to reach you

  82. if you know which servers are major hubs…in *.tw
  83. if you find yourself wishing that girl that who cut you off were on
    irc so you could flood her

  84. if you read operlist
  85. if you tell your friends you have plans already on saturday night when
    you don’t

  86. if your .ircrc is over 80k
  87. if you feel a need to talk in all caps to certain people in RL
  88. if your desk is the only part of your room you ever use (forget the
    bed 😉

  89. if you have ever put a smiley in a paper at work
  90. if the Jehovah’s Witnesses knock on the door, and all you can think of
    doing is flood them with PINGs.

  91. you get a call from a telemarketer, and instead of hanging up on them,
    you set down the phone, and set their mode to -v

  92. if you call up your friend Nick, and /invite $nick to #watch_TV
  93. if you offer the babysitter OPS when you go out for the night
  94. if you refer to rush hour traffic as LAGGED… or to avoid traffic,
    you tell your passenger you need to quit for a second to switch servers

  95. if the word I is now replaced in your vocabulary with /me.
  96. if you raise your hand in class, and say “BRB”
  97. if you have more than 3 private MSG windows going simultaneously
  98. if you won’t subscribe to a certain internet provider because they
    don’t offer unlimited time per month

  99. instead of taking a disk home from work, you set up your BOT to serve
    it to you later that night

  100. if you no longer have to stop and explain to your friends what “RE
    ALL” means

  101. if you begin to say hehehehehehehehe instead of laughing
  102. if you don’t sleep at night because you are too busy staying up late
    thinking of a new NICK

  103. if you know and use regularly, more than 10 different ways to smile in
    ascii text

  104. if you cry when you see more than 3 quit messages with two servers
    listed as the reason.

  105. when someone says “what did you say?” you reply “scroll up!”
  106. if you find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of
    the night when your spouse is asleep to get more irc time in!

  107. if you turn down the lights and close the blinds so people won’t know
    that you are on irc again!

  108. if you know more about your irc “friends” daily routines than you do
    your own spouses!

  109. when someone in a channel says “where is today”, and
    you know exactly where that person is and why they are not logged on.

  110. if you find yourself lying to others about your irc time. When they
    complain your phone is busy, you claim it was off the hook!

  111. if you have an identity crisis if someone else is using your nick.
  112. if you would rather tell people your bloodshot eyes are from partying
    too much instead of the truth (up all night on irc!)

  113. if you change nicks so much that you have to type /me to see who you
    are!

  114. if you put on special mood music while talking to certain people in
    private chats!

  115. if your friends on irc were above your RL friends on your Christmas
    card list!

  116. if you find yourself involved in channel politics on irc!
  117. if you ever turned down real hugs for {{hugs}} from your irc friends.
  118. if you have actually kept up with 10 converstions at one time!
  119. if you postpone your college graduation date so you can keep your free
    .edu account!

  120. if you have ever written a pen-and-paper letter to someone and found
    it _impossible_ to do without smilies

  121. if you’re broke and your modem burns out and you go out on to the
    streets to sell your body to get a new one..

  122. if you are willing to risk a divorce because your husband doesn’t like
    all the time you are spending on the computer

  123. if you are willing to sell a kidney to get to the next #anne-Rice
    channel meet

  124. if you are risking your job by staying on #anne-rice in the afternoon
  125. if you open up your home to 15 strangers for a week merely because
    they have computers and cute nicknames

  126. if you consider getting an THIRD phone line so your S.O. can get
    online on a different acct

  127. if you yell at people because they “aww” using more than 2 w’s and are
    messing up your URL list

  128. if your kids are standing at your side going “mommy, please come cook
    dinner” and you’d rather type another “LOL!”

  129. if the first thing you say after coming out of a movie is, “Hey.
    Remember that funny line? It would make a perfect info line!”

  130. if you type /me in an email
  131. if you marry your cyberboyfriend RT and you both sit at your own
    computers and chat to each other every night from across the room!

  132. if your first thought when your nick is taken is “VERSION”
  133. if you sell your car to finance an irc-ready computer and separate
    phone line.

  134. if your CD collection is organized not by artist or category, but by
    channel mood.

  135. if you quote IRC conversations in your web pages.
  136. if you quote IRC conversations in your homework/midterm/thesis.
  137. if in fact the only web page you even develop is one of IRC
    conversation transcripts.

  138. if you are impatient at a stop light and think “gimme ops!”
  139. if while driving someone cuts you off and you glance at their license
    plate and mentally insert it into a “/kick | /mode +b” command

  140. if you forward all your e-mail to your bot.
  141. if you buy an irc-ready computer just to free up the office’s net
    account.

  142. if you buy your parents an irc-ready computer so they can contact you.
  143. if you own stock in Jolt Cola.
  144. if your aliases.ini or popups.ini exceed your swapfile in size.
  145. if you buy a laptop & cellular phone so you *never* have to say “BRB”
    again!

  146. if you have an S.O. whom you’ve never actually met IRL.
  147. if when speaking rapidly, you omit punctuation and proper case.
  148. if you can add new items to this list from personal experience.
  149. if your e-mail signature lists your nick before your e-mail address.
  150. if you find yourself labeling your possessions with your nick.
  151. if you find yourself answering your phone with “Hi, this is
    …”

  152. if you have succeeded in getting at least one take-out joint to set
    up an IRC account so you can order on one phone line.

  153. if asking your age/sex/location is considered a pick-up line
  154. if you think most of the stuff on this list is merely amateur’s stuff
  155. if you make a list of “How to tell if you’re addicted to IRC”.

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