FFFFFFFFF M M EEEEEEEEE F MM MM E Farm Macheenery F M M M M E (exploding) FFFFF M M M M EEEEE Issue #59 F M M M E F M M E F M M EEEEEEEEE +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Writers (in no particular order): Renee Elrod (aka eener): email@example.com Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): firstname.lastname@example.org Extra Staff: Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis) --mel's brother & computer expert FME on the web: http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ This is the official Christmas Issue of FME. Because I seriously doubt that there'll be an issue next week. So Merry Christmas. And Happy New Year. Goodbye. ##################### AS THE TRACTOR BURNS* @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The Characters: Raul: played by Jim Varney Esmerelda: played by Roseanne I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey Buffy: played by Princess Di This week ATTB is a RERUN!! Yes, that's right. Due to this being the week before Christmas, all the characters had to make their obligatory appearances on various Christmas TV shows. So we're repeating (in our humble opinions) our very best episode of ATTB, for those of you who weren't around at issue #19. Last week on ATTB, all of the characters died due to their spleens exploding. Hahahahaha! Just kidding. Actually, I don't remember what happened. Scene: Beautiful sunny beach. There are beautiful palm trees swaying in the breeze. Baywatch babe: Oh no! Look! There is someone drowning in the bay! Baywatch dude: Hey! Like put her down right now!! Howard: Hey, how did we get here? Buffy: I don't know. I'm just glad I.M. isn't here. He's so annoying. Howard: Where's Al? I.M.: Hey, who's the monkey? Buffy: What monkey? Howard: I don't see a monkey. Al: Huh? I.M.: I swear, I see a monkey! Buffy: I don't care!! Kiss me, you fool! *grabs I.M. and kisses him* I.M.: Mmmmmf! Meanwhile, Raul and Esmerelda are in the phone booth, calling the taxi service... *all of a sudden, the Blues Brothers drive up and jump in the phone booth. A lady blowtorches the phonebooth, and it shoots up into the air* Director: Cut, cut! That scene was all wrong!! Let's see it again! *all of a sudden, the Blues Brothers drive up and jump in the phone booth. A lady blowtorches the phonebooth, and it shoots up into the air* Director: CUT!! That wasn't quite right, let's try it one more time... *all of a sudden, the Blues Brothers drive up and jump in the phone booth. A lady blowtorches the phonebooth, and it shoots up into the air FORCEFULLY* Director: YES! That was perfect! Let's break for lunch. Join us next week on "As the Tractor Burns"!!! You never know who's going to show up next... *************** * Wise Sage * *************** **Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night, wondering? Ask the Wise Sage! Email email@example.com with your question Wise Sage: What happens to smelt when it goes bad....does it start to smell good or what? Wondering in Wisconsin Dear Wondering, When smelt goes bad, it smells like petunias. Wise Sage Dear Wise Sage, Why does it say that the writers to this magazine are in no particular order, yet the order hasn't changed? Doesn't that order become particular since it never changes? Merlin Dear Merlin, If a car explodes every time it is driven, it will eventually be reduced to rubble. In this same sense, if an order is un-particular once it is established, it will continue to be so ad infinitum. Wise Sage ************************* Fruit Bats in Your Toilet ************************* **To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this section, email firstname.lastname@example.org If there is a fruit bat in your toilet, call 1-800-FRUTBAT ------------------ URGENT FME NEWS!!! ------------------ UPDATE: Last week eener bought a toothbrush. ---------------- Dumb Poetry in a Card Type Trash ---------------- Ha ha! ------ I listen to the weather report sixty degrees and sunny!! I open the door and look at the beautiful sunshine... I laugh I grin I jump for joy I taunt all my friends and relatives from the midwest... hahahahaha! eener *NOTE: melvan is planning to throw several snowballs at eener when she comes up to Wisconsin... Come visit the Macheen Shed: http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/ This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer, except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people. Feel free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not changed in any way. FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in (in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).