Issue #55, 20 November 1996

FFFFFFFFF       M       M       EEEEEEEEE
F               MM     MM       E               Farm Macheenery
F               M M   M M       E                 (exploding)
FFFFF           M  M M  M       EEEEE              Issue #55
F               M   M   M       E
F               M       M       E
F               M       M       EEEEEEEEE
The Writers (in no particular order):
Renee Elrod (aka eener):
Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan):

Extra Staff:
Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis)
--mel's brother & computer expert

FME on the web:

The funniest thing about working at Pizza Hut (at least, the one that
melvan works at) is that once people quit, they usually come back in 6
months to a year.  Hahahahaha.  Isn't that funny.


The Characters:
Raul:  played by Jim Varney
Esmerelda:  played by Roseanne
I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson
Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur
Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey
Buffy:  played by Princess Di

Oops...Honestly, we had a really good plot for this weeks ATTB...but we,
uh, kinda lost it...

*  Wise Sage  *
**Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night,
  wondering?  Ask the Wise Sage!  Email with your question

Wise Sage question:

What is the friction co-efficiant of someone falling off the moon towards
earth as they pass through the atmosphere on a cloudy day where it's
snowing in Tim-buk-too and raining in New Jersy?  in binary code?

Signed, Etan

Dear Etan,

If we told you...we'd have to kill you.

Wise Sage

Fruit Bats in Your Toilet
**To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this
  section, email

Yet again, we have a parody!

Spam Rap
A parody of Bad Rap by Steve Taylor

Now L.A. shrimp and N.Y. beef
Have been mixing lately, great to eat
While Midwest good old boys like me
Have all been pouring ketchup, see
Onto our plates of fries in throngs
And guess who's eating egg foo yong
Well drop your ideas about food
And listen to me, don't be crude

Who you tryin' to kid kid?
If you don't eat Spam you just ain't cool
Who you tryin' to kid kid?
Spam's the only thing that makes me drool
Got your head together now?
I got a food that's better now
Who you tryin' to kid kid?
Say what?  Spam Rap, uh-huh

You look for snails, you look for eels
You like what makes expensive meals
But you diss that stuff that's in the can
Would not want to eat no Spam
Ham, eggs, beans or corn
Whatever makes you blow your horn
Just remeber when you eat
There's just one food that can't be beat

Who you tryin' to kid kid?
Spam is where it's at and that's the facts
Who you tryin' to kid kid?
You don't eat Spam, might as well eat wax
Got your head together now?
I got a food that's better now
Who you tryin' to kid, kid?
Say what?  Spam Rap, uh-huh

You'll march all day for cheese souffle
A lover of soup-of-the-day
No time for food comes from a tin
Food with a key that lets you in
Instead you want nice foods with cloves
Of garlic, spice, and stuff like those
You say spam is a food for a mind that's closed?
You guzzle your food and blow it out your nose!

Who you tryin' to kid kid?
To my hip-hop band who won't eat their spam
Who you tryin' to kid kid?
To the guy who took flight "Cooking chicken tonight!"
Got your head together now?
I got a food that's better now
Who you tryin' to kid kid?
Say what?  Spam Rap, uh-huh

Can't understand those spam freaks so
You type us all in stereo
"Their food, it's bad, it smells so gross"
But you've never had spam on toast
Spam Rap, uh-huh

So now you're mad, who is this guy
To say that spam's what we should fry
Well, let's just say, at very least
A guy that thinks spam is a feast!

Spam rap, uh-huh
Pork and ham inside a can
With some spice it's very nice

Another parody by qaz1

A commentary on ATTB, by Dave Hart

Of course, you know you have to kill off the Barney character in your FME
Soap Opera.  Why, you ask?  You ask why?  Well, I'll tell you why.  It's
because that T-Rex in Weird Al Yankovic's video "Jurassic Park" ATE him!!

That's why!!!  Barney is dead, and the dinosaur who ate had to have the
help of another dinosaur in the form of the Heimlich maneuver to cough up
Barney's head.  So if you continue using Barney in your Soap Opera in the
future, for accuracy's sake, the character can only be Barney's head.



Hey everyone!  Guess what??  Today I (eener) got an email from the
president of Juno - the free email service I'm a part of.  The purpose of
the email was to describe Juno's policy on giving out data on Juno
members.  The following is one paragraph from the email:

"By way of illustration, the National Hamster Association might wish to
include a free copy of Juno along with the next mailing of its monthly
newsletter, not only as a service to all NHA members, but to allow the NHA
to save money by sending membership renewal notices by e-mail to those NHA
members who chose to open a Juno account.  In such a case, permission to
release personal contact information (in this case, a Juno e-mail address)
might be obtained by informing each individual during the account creation
process that if he or she wishes to register for a Juno account through
the NHA, his or her Juno e-mail address will be accessible not only to
Juno, but to the NHA as well.  An individual who preferred not to share
this information with the NHA would be free to terminate the account
creation process at that point."

eener's comment:  The national hamster association???
hahahahaha...anyway, I just wanted to share that with tickled my
funny bone.  Thank you for your time.

Dumb Poetry in a
Card Type Trash

Free Stuff

so much stuff
so little money
but that doesn't matter
it's free
so I take it home
what a bargain!
I could shop like this for days!
Ooh, look!  There's a little red thing!
It looks so cute!
I have no idea what it is
Looks like an apple
with a dart stuck through it
I *must* have it!
It's free!


Frozen Car Door

pull on door
pull on door
pull on door
door opens
shut door
the sound of me blowing up the car...


Untitled #452

I'll have one for the road
he said with a leer
as the bartender
handed him a beer
He walked towards the door
with a swing in his walk
I bet you'd never guess
his father was a



Come visit the Macheen Shed:

This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer,
except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people.  Feel
free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not
changed in any way.  FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in
(in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).

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