FFFFFFFFF M M EEEEEEEEE F MM MM E Farm Macheenery F M M M M E (exploding) FFFFF M M M M EEEEE Issue #55 F M M M E F M M E F M M EEEEEEEEE +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Writers (in no particular order): Renee Elrod (aka eener): email@example.com Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): firstname.lastname@example.org Extra Staff: Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis) --mel's brother & computer expert FME on the web: http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The funniest thing about working at Pizza Hut (at least, the one that melvan works at) is that once people quit, they usually come back in 6 months to a year. Hahahahaha. Isn't that funny. #################### AS THE TRACTOR BURNS @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The Characters: Raul: played by Jim Varney Esmerelda: played by Roseanne I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey Buffy: played by Princess Di Oops...Honestly, we had a really good plot for this weeks ATTB...but we, uh, kinda lost it... *************** * Wise Sage * *************** **Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night, wondering? Ask the Wise Sage! Email email@example.com with your question Wise Sage question: What is the friction co-efficiant of someone falling off the moon towards earth as they pass through the atmosphere on a cloudy day where it's snowing in Tim-buk-too and raining in New Jersy? in binary code? Signed, Etan Dear Etan, If we told you...we'd have to kill you. Wise Sage ************************* Fruit Bats in Your Toilet ************************* **To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this section, email firstname.lastname@example.org Yet again, we have a parody! Spam Rap -------- A parody of Bad Rap by Steve Taylor ----------------------------------- Now L.A. shrimp and N.Y. beef Have been mixing lately, great to eat While Midwest good old boys like me Have all been pouring ketchup, see Onto our plates of fries in throngs And guess who's eating egg foo yong Well drop your ideas about food And listen to me, don't be crude Who you tryin' to kid kid? If you don't eat Spam you just ain't cool Who you tryin' to kid kid? Spam's the only thing that makes me drool Got your head together now? I got a food that's better now Who you tryin' to kid kid? Say what? Spam Rap, uh-huh You look for snails, you look for eels You like what makes expensive meals But you diss that stuff that's in the can Would not want to eat no Spam Ham, eggs, beans or corn Whatever makes you blow your horn Just remeber when you eat There's just one food that can't be beat Who you tryin' to kid kid? Spam is where it's at and that's the facts Who you tryin' to kid kid? You don't eat Spam, might as well eat wax Got your head together now? I got a food that's better now Who you tryin' to kid, kid? Say what? Spam Rap, uh-huh You'll march all day for cheese souffle A lover of soup-of-the-day No time for food comes from a tin Food with a key that lets you in Instead you want nice foods with cloves Of garlic, spice, and stuff like those You say spam is a food for a mind that's closed? You guzzle your food and blow it out your nose! Who you tryin' to kid kid? To my hip-hop band who won't eat their spam Who you tryin' to kid kid? To the guy who took flight "Cooking chicken tonight!" Got your head together now? I got a food that's better now Who you tryin' to kid kid? Say what? Spam Rap, uh-huh Can't understand those spam freaks so You type us all in stereo "Their food, it's bad, it smells so gross" But you've never had spam on toast Spam Rap, uh-huh So now you're mad, who is this guy To say that spam's what we should fry Well, let's just say, at very least A guy that thinks spam is a feast! Spam rap, uh-huh Pork and ham inside a can With some spice it's very nice Another parody by qaz1 A commentary on ATTB, by Dave Hart Of course, you know you have to kill off the Barney character in your FME Soap Opera. Why, you ask? You ask why? Well, I'll tell you why. It's because that T-Rex in Weird Al Yankovic's video "Jurassic Park" ATE him!! That's why!!! Barney is dead, and the dinosaur who ate had to have the help of another dinosaur in the form of the Heimlich maneuver to cough up Barney's head. So if you continue using Barney in your Soap Opera in the future, for accuracy's sake, the character can only be Barney's head. dave ------------------ URGENT FME NEWS!!! ------------------ Hey everyone! Guess what?? Today I (eener) got an email from the president of Juno - the free email service I'm a part of. The purpose of the email was to describe Juno's policy on giving out data on Juno members. The following is one paragraph from the email: "By way of illustration, the National Hamster Association might wish to include a free copy of Juno along with the next mailing of its monthly newsletter, not only as a service to all NHA members, but to allow the NHA to save money by sending membership renewal notices by e-mail to those NHA members who chose to open a Juno account. In such a case, permission to release personal contact information (in this case, a Juno e-mail address) might be obtained by informing each individual during the account creation process that if he or she wishes to register for a Juno account through the NHA, his or her Juno e-mail address will be accessible not only to Juno, but to the NHA as well. An individual who preferred not to share this information with the NHA would be free to terminate the account creation process at that point." eener's comment: The national hamster association??? hahahahaha...anyway, I just wanted to share that with you...it tickled my funny bone. Thank you for your time. ---------------- Dumb Poetry in a Card Type Trash ---------------- Free Stuff ---------- so much stuff so little money but that doesn't matter it's free so I take it home what a bargain! I could shop like this for days! Ooh, look! There's a little red thing! It looks so cute! I have no idea what it is Looks like an apple with a dart stuck through it I *must* have it! It's free! melvan Frozen Car Door --------------- *crackle* pull on door pull on door pull on door door opens shut door THUD *bounce* THUD *bounce* THUD *bounce* THUD *bounce* KICK *bounce* BOOM!!! the sound of me blowing up the car... melvan Untitled #452 ------------------ I'll have one for the road he said with a leer as the bartender handed him a beer He walked towards the door with a swing in his walk I bet you'd never guess his father was a wok. eener :):):):):):):):):):):):):):) Come visit the Macheen Shed: http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/ This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer, except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people. Feel free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not changed in any way. FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in (in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).