Pay-Kah?? M M EEEEEEEEE F MM MM E Farm Macheenery F M M M M E (exploding) FFFFF M M M M EEEEE Issue #54 F M M M E F M M E F M M EEEEEEEEE +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Writers (in no particular order): Renee Elrod (aka eener): firstname.lastname@example.org Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): email@example.com Extra Staff: Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis) --mel's brother & computer expert FME on the web: http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We begin this issue with a funny story that happened some years ago in a science class, melvan & eener's 8th grade science class, to be specific. One day just before class started, one kid did something stupid, or forgot something, or...something. So he started to say "Oh, ****", but by the time he got to the second word, he noticed the teacher walking in the door. There was a slight pause, then he said "Shish kebob!" Everyone including the teacher started laughing, because they KNEW what he had been about to say. The teacher didn't just let it rest. He said something to the effect of "That's almost like calling someone 'son of a biscuit'." Don't ask melvan how she remembers this, she has no idea. #################### AS THE TRACTOR BURNS @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The Characters: Raul: played by Jim Varney Esmerelda: played by Roseanne I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey Buffy: played by Princess Di Last week on ATTB, there was no ATTB... This week, join us for our show already in progress, because it was pre- empted by er...something else. Buffy: You KILLED HIM!!!! Raul: What are you talking about? Buffy: Oh..nothing, I just wanted the readers to think they had missed a very juicy plot twist at the beginning that the writers didn't show, because they joined us here in the middle of our episode! Howard: Do you suppose we got pre-empted by a football game?? Esmerelda: Can we please get back to the issue at hand here? Al: Oh yeah...let's do that...we were discussing Raul's addiction to licking the sticky stuff off post-it notes.... Howard: That's $%#@! disgusting, Raul!!! (Raul hangs his head in shame) Buffy: Yeah, some people lick toads...Raul licks post-it notes.... Howard: I wish I had some macaroni and cheese. I'm hungry! Esmerelda: Here's some liver donuts. *hands a package to Howard* (Howard opens the package and sniffs them) Howard: YUCK!!!! Al: Hey! Didn't we discuss liver donuts in the very first episode of ATTB?? How ironic! Alanis: Isn't it ironic, don't you think? Esmerelda: Those writers have picked on Alanis enough! I'm getting sick of hearing about it! (Alanis disappears in a blue poof of smoke) Al: I still don't understand one thing..... Buffy: Umm...what's that? I.M.: Is it that you don't understand why chickens don't have lips?? Al: No, that's not it....I don't understand how Clinton won this election when he was running against ME!! ....Join us next time when we discover ummm...something! ****************** * Wise Sage(s) * ****************** **Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night, wondering? Ask the Wise Sage(s)! Email firstname.lastname@example.org with your question! Dear Wlse Sage, is there life on mars? Signed, WallPhone Dear WallPhone, There is one life form upon the planet of Mars. He is Marvin the Martian. Occasionally he is joined by Daffy Duck or Bugs Bunny, but whenever they visit, they are usually shot by Marvin's disintegrator gun. Since Marvin is such bad company, no one else lives there with him...and Bugs and Daffy usually head back for earth after a few minutes or so. Wise Sage **************** Editor's picks!! ***************** our noses...hahaha! (Just Kidding) No really, this is a section where we, the editors, writers and VIPs of FME magazine...namely eener and melvan, can recommend different movies, books, albums, whatever to the readers. Firstly, eener's picks Iiiiii recommend -the movie "Toy Story!" It is quite funny! -eating SweetTarts until your teeth fall out...SweetTarts rule! (and so do pixi stix) -the cd "Jesus Freak" by DC Talk. For those of you who aren't familiar with the group, they've had a single on the radio lately called "Just Between you and Me." that is from this cd. The whole cd is good- I recommend it. -the game Theme Park. It's available for different video game systems, and is also available on CD-Rom. This game is good for hours and hours of fun! You get to design your own amusement park, and even customize the rides that go into it. For example, if you design your rollercoaster with too many loops and hills, you get to sit there and giggle as the cars go flying off the track! heh heh...no, we're really not that sadistic. But if you don't have enough mechanics for your rides, they'll actually EXPLODE! Hahahahaha! I had a bouncy castle explode on me once. And another interesting thing about this game- the kids sometimes get off the rides and toss their cookies, if you have the speed of the ride too high. Eeeeeew! The reason I like this game is NOT because of puking kids or exploding rides. (heh) I really like it because you get to plan this whole thing out and try to get people to come to your park...I love strategy games. If you like SimCity, try Theme Park! It is lots of fun- I know melvan will agree with me. We have played that game for hours on end before! Well, now that I've babbled on about this game...here are melvan's recommendations... Hmm...... 1. IRC 2. Any CD by Steve Taylor, Rich Mullins, Weird Al 3. Putting up Christmas lights in November 4. Dave Barry's book "Dave Barry in Cyberspace" 5. Reading FME till your eyes bug out 6. DON'T EVER SLEEP WITH A CAT IN YOUR ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ************************* Fruit Bats in Your Toilet ************************* **To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this section, email email@example.com Well, guess what. We have another parody. And a "Possessed" story. Playdoh ------- To the tune of Layla What do I do when I get lonely? Nobody round, nothing to do I just grab a bowl Of good old playdoh And then I don't feel half so blue Playdoh You got me sculpting trees Playdoh Dogs with little fleas Playdoh The only thing can ease my troubled mind Make the best of the situation Which colour should I use to play? Maybe the green, the yellow, red or blue Mix them all they turn to grey Playdoh You got me sculpting trees Playdoh Dogs with little fleas Playdoh The only thing can ease my troubled mind (repeat chorus to fade...) By qaz1=AReallySillyGuy ------------------ URGENT FME NEWS!!! ------------------ ***Death by Duct tape*** Attention readers!!! It has come to our attention that an airplane in Peru (well, we think it was in Peru, but don't recall for sure) crashed due to duct tape! This news item was spotted by eener and also by an alert FME subscriber by the name of Dave Hart. Some of the sensors in the airplane were covered in duct tape when it was being cleaned, and they forgot to remove the duct tape when they were done. It was because of this that the plane crashed. So, just be sure not to use this marvelous, fix-it-all tape in the wrong manner! This gray tape also has a dark side! For example, duct tape could be harmful if it were to be internally ingested... ---------------- Dumb Poetry in a Card Type Trash ---------------- Overhead Fan ------------ I sit in the chair buried in a blanket reading my book... Swish, swish goes the overhead fan... Brrrr! I flip the switch to turn the fan off and then realize this is a stupid subject for a poem eener Untitled #173 ------------- I sit on the large rock by the lake the fish swim lazily through the water jumping to catch bugs from the air... The noonday sun beats hot upon my bare head. I hear crickets chirping in the field behind me. The sky clouds over... large raindrops fall from the sky and drown all the crickets in the field. Chirp chirp Eeeeek! Chirp chirp Eeeeeeek! eener :):):):):):):):):):):):):):) Come visit the Macheen Shed: http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/ This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer, except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people. Feel free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not changed in any way. FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in (in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).