FFFFFFFFF M M EEEEEEEEE F MM MM E Farm Macheenery F M M M M E (exploding) FFFFF M M M M EEEEE Issue #53 F M M M E F M M E F M M EEEEEEEEE +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Writers (in no particular order): Renee Elrod (aka eener): email@example.com Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): firstname.lastname@example.org Extra Staff: Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis) --mel's brother & computer expert FME on the web: http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ WHOA! We've got a huge issue this week! Parodies, parodies, parodies! Snop, snop, snop! Poetry, poetry, poetry! And some other stuff... Oh Snop! ....an excursion into the small annoyances in life... ***for the uninformed, "snop" is the official bad word of FME. by, eener This morning, I was *supposed* to get up for work at 8 am. BUT the alarm didn't go off! Durn alarm. Next thing I knew, I woke up, sleepily rubbed my eyes...looked at the clock...and panicked!! It said 10:15 am! ACK! I was supposed to be at work by 10:30....with a commute of a half hour. Figure that. However!! Where I work, they allow flex time, where you can come up to an hour late, and not be late, you just hafta stay later. Sooo...I throw my clothes on and zoom out the door! Part of the way there, I notice I'm almost out of gas! Another ACK! I pull off to get gas, all the time thinking "I don't have time for thissssssss..." And then of course the gas pump doesn't wanna let me put my credit card in the little slot. I give up and bring my credit card inside where I pay for it. *sigh* So then I had set my Coke on the floor...and when I started driving, it tipped over! Yet another ACK! Luckily, I got to work in time...but was attacked by giant cockroaches at the front door!! Heh...just kidding. OH SNOP! This week, melvan is going to complain about her cat. For those of you who haven't heard already, one of my cats (Yakko) broke his leg a month ago. We took him to the vet, who moved the leg around, said "It's broken," gave Yakko a shot, and charged me $20. But at least he was honest enough to say that if it was his cat, he'd let it heal itself. So that's what we did. We brought him back home and set up the litter box. Our cats are normally outside cats, because my mom doesn't like having a litter box in the house (and because I don't particularly like cleaning it). So all goes well the first night or two...Yakko sleeps on my bed, I shove him off so I can move, he jumps back up & curls up by my feet, and the process is repeated several times. But at least I slept. The next night, I brought the cat kennel into the room & let him sleep in that so he wouldn't disturb his leg too much from roaming around. This worked perfectly. I slept, he slept, everyone was happy. He always wanted to get out by 7:30, but that was okay. Ever since we turned the clocks back an hour for Daylight Savings Time last week, Yakko has been waking me up VERY early. Last Sunday morning he woke me up at 6:30, because he thought it was 7:30. But so did my brain, so I just got up & started my IRC'ing for the morning. Friday morning, my dad got up at 4:30 or 5:00 am to go to work. He does this every day. He has done this since August when he got this job. Somehow in the process of getting ready for work, he woke Yakko up. Yakko woke me up. He started beating on the door of the kennel, trying to get out. It was LOUD. I finally gave up and let him out. Then all he did was play with my bedroom door. I have no idea why my door is so much fun to play with. Especially at 5 in the morning. I had gone to bed at midnight. I had to work at 10 am. I was not pleased. I couldn't get back to sleep. So I got up and IRC'ed till I had to leave for work. Saturday morning, my dad again got up for work early in the morning. Yakko decided it was time for him to get up, too. "MEOW! *thud* *thud* MEEEOW!!! *thud* MEEEOOOW!!" I let him out, and again, he played with the bedroom door. He scratched on the chair. He played with my rugs. He meowed loudly. He wanted OUT of my room. I couldn't let him out. It was only 5 am. Everyone else was sleeping. I put him back in the kennel after a while, and he *did* shut up for a while...but then he started again a couple hours later. So I opened the door and shoved him out the door so I could try to sleep. He played with the OTHER side of the door. Sunday, he woke me up at 5 again. At 6:30, I gave up trying to sleep. Of course, THEN Yakko decided to lie down and be quiet. I went back to bed at around 7:30. I decided it was time for Yakko to leave my room and go harass someone else. I was too tired to go to church. I put him outside for the afternoon. When my brother came home that night, he noticed that Yakko was locked in the laundry room already, sticking his paws under the door. I decided to move the litter box in the laundry room. This morning (Monday) I woke up at 9 am. Nice. :) #################### AS THE TRACTOR BURNS @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The Characters: Raul: played by Jim Varney Esmerelda: played by Roseanne I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey Buffy: played by Princess Di Since we're sending such a HUGE issue this week, the ATTB characters are taking a week off. wutg. *************** * Wise Sage * *************** **Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night, wondering? Ask the Wise Sage! Email email@example.com with your question The Wise Sage has been VERY busy lately...so she looked all over the world in search of an assistant Wise Sage (who will hereafter be known as the Not-So-Wise Sage). And whaddya know, she found the Not-So-Wise Sage right in her own town, in the form of one Darin J. Werner. So next week's issue should have some Wise Sage questions... ************************* Fruit Bats in Your Toilet ************************* **To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this section, email firstname.lastname@example.org Ugent!! Or is it Ugents, plural, but aren't you female? so...Uladies! Anyhow, cool DuctTape story: There is a comic book called "Too much coffee man", and one of the characters is "Too Much Esspresso Guy" who I decided to dress up as for Halloween. Weeellll, getting a little esspresso cup to strap to my head is a bit difficult, so instead I stuck it on my hat, using DUCT TAPE!! -The End P.S. Either Signals or Wireless, (two mail order catalogs) has a shirt that says "when the going gets tough, the tough use DUCT TAPE." (emphasis added). -The second End AND NOW WE BEGIN...The Parodies! I take issue with the Macaroni poem by eener. This is a FAR better rendition of "Macaroni" Macaroni ------- Yankee Doodle went to town ariding on a pony Stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni Ever since then we alll like eating macaroni Hey macaroni -A Really Silly Guy Yesterday (Monday) on #bannerman on DALnet, two guys decided to start parodying songs. This is what happened. btw, unless you're an IRC addict and/or bot owner, the first one probably won't make much sense... "Lost the Bot" parody of "Lost the Plot" by the Newsboys By Beldin & qaz1 When you're crontab'd again would you bring me something from the shell? Hear a rumour that a split is near But I just got super-opped here LAG Let's be blunt Im a badly de-synched what do you want? Ignores and Kick Bans are all that Ive got First I misplaced my password then I lost the bot Out amount the invisible clones While the lamer's spam with their flood's For a time we stuck to the channel But they wouldnt let us kick the mug LAG Let's be blunt Im a badly dy-synched what do you want? Once we could hear you Now our server is shot We've forgotten out first join we have lost the bot When I signed on for the first time you were typing just like me and I knew my screen was dirty And I dropped my space Then you said I was a luser and you welcomed me with actions I was happy ever after I was counting channel names since Im waiting for you When you comin' back again ? We'll be ready for you Maybe we'll op you when... Maybe we'll op you when You come back again Pies. Let's be blunt. We're a little unhelpful what do you want? Are you still opping? cause we're obviously not We've forgotten that first op We have lost the bot And why you still msg'n? you grossed!, we gfot! Those servers are splitting and we've lost the bot lost the bot When you're crontab'd again would you bring me something from the shell? Hear a rumour that a split is near But I just got super-opped here Beat-Up Chevy Nova (to the tune of Champagne Supernova) Parody by AReallySillyGuy... How many filters have I changed? How many sparkplugs rearranged? Where were you when my gas tank ran dry? Look through my past I can't recall When last I drove down to the mall Where were you when my gas tank ran dry? Someday you will find me Sitting at the roadside In a Beat-Up Chevy Nova At the side Someday you will find me Sitting at the roadside In a Beat-Up Chevy Nova A Beat-Up Chevy Nova At the side Wake up and start the car or try Hearing it whine I start to cry Where were you when my gas tank ran dry? Look through my past I can't recall When last I drove down to the mall Where were you when my gas tank ran dry? Someday you will find me Sitting at the roadside In a Beat-Up Chevy Nova At the side Someday you will find me Sitting at the roadside In a Beat-Up Chevy Nova A Beat-Up Chevy Nova Cos though the motor's toast The starter smokes And all the cylinders are fried Still I know that it'll start for me If only I just try, try, try, try How many filters have I changed? How many sparkplugs rearranged? Where were you when my gas tank ran dry? When my gas tank ran dry? ------------------ URGENT FME NEWS!!! ------------------ What's the point of this section anymore...we never put anything here. ---------------- Dumb Poetry in a Card Type Trash ---------------- Randomness no. 1 ---------------- Hey diddle the cat and the fiddle the cow jumped over the moon Mary had a little lamb who's fleece was white as snow Little Boy Blue come blow your horn The dish ran away with the spoon Go rent "Toy Story" It's cool eener This poem has a title, this is the title ---------------------------------------- The old man said to put my ear to the ground and keep on running but I think he was senile eener Post-it note ------------ Fluorescent yellow with green lines I write things on them to remind myself... Oops- I'm sorry I can't finish writing this poem I'm suddenly craving a malt. bye. eener :):):):):):):):):):):):):):) Come visit the Macheen Shed: http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/ This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer, except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people. Feel free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not changed in any way. FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in (in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).