Issue #53, 5 November 1996

FFFFFFFFF       M       M       EEEEEEEEE
F               MM     MM       E               Farm Macheenery
F               M M   M M       E                 (exploding)
FFFFF           M  M M  M       EEEEE              Issue #53
F               M   M   M       E
F               M       M       E
F               M       M       EEEEEEEEE
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Writers (in no particular order):
Renee Elrod (aka eener): eener@juno.com
Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): melvan@wildstar.net

Extra Staff:
Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis)
--mel's brother & computer expert

FME on the web:  http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

WHOA!  We've got a huge issue this week!  Parodies, parodies, parodies!
Snop, snop, snop!  Poetry, poetry, poetry!  And some other stuff...

Oh Snop!
....an excursion into the small annoyances in life...

***for the uninformed, "snop" is the official bad word of FME.

by, eener

This morning, I was *supposed* to get up for work at 8 am.  BUT the alarm
didn't go off!  Durn alarm.  Next thing I knew, I woke up, sleepily rubbed
my eyes...looked at the clock...and panicked!!  It said 10:15 am!  ACK!  I
was supposed to be at work by 10:30....with a commute of a half hour.
Figure that.  However!!  Where I work, they allow flex time, where you can
come up to an hour late, and not be late, you just hafta stay later.
Sooo...I throw my clothes on and zoom out the door!  Part of the way
there, I notice I'm almost out of gas!  Another ACK!  I pull off to get
gas, all the time thinking "I don't have time for thissssssss..."  And
then of course the gas pump doesn't wanna let me put my credit card in the
little slot.  I give up and bring my credit card inside where I pay for
it.  *sigh*  So then I had set my Coke on the floor...and when I started
driving, it tipped over!  Yet another ACK!  Luckily, I got to work in
time...but was attacked by giant cockroaches at the front door!!
Heh...just kidding.

OH SNOP!

This week, melvan is going to complain about her cat.  For those of you
who haven't heard already, one of my cats (Yakko) broke his leg a month
ago.  We took him to the vet, who moved the leg around, said "It's
broken," gave Yakko a shot, and charged me $20.  But at least he was
honest enough to say that if it was his cat, he'd let it heal itself.  So
that's what we did.  We brought him back home and set up the litter box.
Our cats are normally outside cats, because my mom doesn't like having a
litter box in the house (and because I don't particularly like cleaning
it).

So all goes well the first night or two...Yakko sleeps on my bed, I shove
him off so I can move, he jumps back up & curls up by my feet, and the
process is repeated several times.  But at least I slept.  The next night,
I brought the cat kennel into the room & let him sleep in that so he
wouldn't disturb his leg too much from roaming around.  This worked
perfectly.  I slept, he slept, everyone was happy.  He always wanted to
get out by 7:30, but that was okay.

Ever since we turned the clocks back an hour for Daylight Savings Time
last week, Yakko has been waking me up VERY early.  Last Sunday morning he
woke me up at 6:30, because he thought it was 7:30.  But so did my brain,
so I just got up & started my IRC'ing for the morning.

Friday morning, my dad got up at 4:30 or 5:00 am to go to work.  He does
this every day.  He has done this since August when he got this job.
Somehow in the process of getting ready for work, he woke Yakko up.  Yakko
woke me up.  He started beating on the door of the kennel, trying to get
out.  It was LOUD.  I finally gave up and let him out.  Then all he did
was play with my bedroom door.  I have no idea why my door is so much fun
to play with.  Especially at 5 in the morning.  I had gone to bed at
midnight.  I had to work at 10 am.  I was not pleased.  I couldn't get
back to sleep.  So I got up and IRC'ed till I had to leave for work.

Saturday morning, my dad again got up for work early in the morning.
Yakko decided it was time for him to get up, too.  "MEOW!  *thud* *thud*
MEEEOW!!!  *thud* MEEEOOOW!!"  I let him out, and again, he played with
the bedroom door.  He scratched on the chair.  He played with my rugs.  He
meowed loudly.  He wanted OUT of my room.  I couldn't let him out.  It was
only 5 am.  Everyone else was sleeping.  I put him back in the kennel
after a while, and he *did* shut up for a while...but then he started
again a couple hours later.  So I opened the door and shoved him out the
door so I could try to sleep.  He played with the OTHER side of the door.

Sunday, he woke me up at 5 again.  At 6:30, I gave up trying to sleep.  Of
course, THEN Yakko decided to lie down and be quiet.  I went back to bed
at around 7:30.  I decided it was time for Yakko to leave my room and go
harass someone else.  I was too tired to go to church.  I put him outside
for the afternoon.  When my brother came home that night, he noticed that
Yakko was locked in the laundry room already, sticking his paws under the
door.  I decided to move the litter box in the laundry room.

This morning (Monday) I woke up at 9 am.  Nice. :)

####################
AS THE TRACTOR BURNS
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

The Characters:
Raul:  played by Jim Varney
Esmerelda:  played by Roseanne
I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson
Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur
Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey
Buffy:  played by Princess Di

Since we're sending such a HUGE issue this week, the ATTB characters are
taking a week off.

wutg.


***************
*  Wise Sage  *
***************
**Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night,
  wondering?  Ask the Wise Sage!  Email eener@juno.com with your question

The Wise Sage has been VERY busy lately...so she looked all over the world
in search of an assistant Wise Sage (who will hereafter be known as the
Not-So-Wise Sage).  And whaddya know, she found the Not-So-Wise Sage right
in her own town, in the form of one Darin J. Werner.

So next week's issue should have some Wise Sage questions...


*************************
Fruit Bats in Your Toilet
*************************
**To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this
  section, email melvan@wildstar.net

Ugent!!  Or is it Ugents, plural, but aren't you female?  so...Uladies!
Anyhow, cool DuctTape story:

There is a comic book called "Too much coffee man", and one of the
characters is "Too Much Esspresso Guy" who I decided to dress up as for
Halloween.  Weeellll, getting a little esspresso cup to strap to my head
is a bit difficult, so instead I stuck it on my hat, using DUCT TAPE!!

-The End

P.S. Either Signals or Wireless, (two mail order catalogs) has a shirt
that says "when the going gets tough, the tough use DUCT TAPE." (emphasis
added).

-The second End

AND NOW WE BEGIN...The Parodies!

I take issue with the Macaroni poem by eener.
This is a FAR better rendition of "Macaroni"

Macaroni
-------
Yankee Doodle went to town ariding on a pony
Stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni
Ever since then we alll like eating macaroni
Hey macaroni

-A Really Silly Guy

Yesterday (Monday) on #bannerman on DALnet, two guys decided to start
parodying songs.  This is what happened.

btw, unless you're an IRC addict and/or bot owner, the first one probably
won't make much sense...

"Lost the Bot"
parody of "Lost the Plot" by the Newsboys
By Beldin & qaz1

When you're crontab'd again
would you bring me something from the shell?
Hear a rumour that a split is near
But I just got super-opped here

LAG
Let's be blunt
Im a badly de-synched
what do you want?

Ignores and Kick Bans
are all that Ive got
First I misplaced my password
then I lost the bot

Out amount the invisible clones
While the lamer's spam with their flood's
For a time we stuck to the channel
But they wouldnt let us kick the mug

LAG
Let's be blunt
Im a badly dy-synched
what do you want?

Once we could hear you
Now our server is shot
We've forgotten out first join
we have lost the bot

When I signed on for the first time
you were typing just like me
and I knew my screen was dirty
And I dropped my space
Then you said I was a luser
and you welcomed me with actions
I was happy ever after
I was counting channel names
since Im waiting for you

When you comin' back again ?
We'll be ready for you
Maybe we'll op you when...
Maybe we'll op you when
You come back again

Pies.
Let's be blunt.
We're a little unhelpful
what do you want?

Are you still opping?
cause we're obviously not
We've forgotten that first op
We have lost the bot

And why you still msg'n?
you grossed!, we gfot!
Those servers are splitting
and we've lost the bot
lost the bot

When you're crontab'd again
would you bring me something from the shell?
Hear a rumour that a split is near
But I just got super-opped here


Beat-Up Chevy Nova
(to the tune of Champagne Supernova)
Parody by AReallySillyGuy...

How many filters have I changed?
How many sparkplugs rearranged?
Where were you when my gas tank ran dry?
Look through my past I can't recall
When last I drove down to the mall
Where were you when my gas tank ran dry?

Someday you will find me
Sitting at the roadside
In a Beat-Up Chevy Nova
At the side
Someday you will find me
Sitting at the roadside
In a Beat-Up Chevy Nova
A Beat-Up Chevy Nova
At the side

Wake up and start the car or try
Hearing it whine I start to cry
Where were you when my gas tank ran dry?
Look through my past I can't recall
When last I drove down to the mall
Where were you when my gas tank ran dry?

Someday you will find me
Sitting at the roadside
In a Beat-Up Chevy Nova
At the side
Someday you will find me
Sitting at the roadside
In a Beat-Up Chevy Nova
A Beat-Up Chevy Nova

Cos though the motor's toast
The starter smokes
And all the cylinders are fried
Still I know that it'll start for me
If only I just try, try, try, try


How many filters have I changed?
How many sparkplugs rearranged?
Where were you when my gas tank ran dry?
When my gas tank ran dry?


------------------
URGENT FME NEWS!!!
------------------


What's the point of this section anymore...we never put anything here.


----------------
Dumb Poetry in a
Card Type Trash
----------------


Randomness no. 1
----------------

Hey diddle
the cat and the fiddle
the
cow
jumped over the moon
Mary had a little lamb
who's fleece was white
as snow
Little Boy Blue
come blow your horn
The dish ran away with the spoon
Go rent "Toy Story"
It's cool

eener


This poem has a title, this is the title
----------------------------------------

The old man said
to put my ear to the ground
and keep on running
but I think he was senile

eener









Post-it note
------------

Fluorescent yellow
with green lines
I write things on them
to remind myself...
Oops- I'm sorry
I can't finish writing this poem
I'm suddenly craving a malt.
bye.

eener

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Come visit the Macheen Shed:  http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/

This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer,
except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people.  Feel
free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not
changed in any way.  FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in
(in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *