Issue #52, 30 October 1996

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F               MM     MM       E               Farm Macheenery
F               M M   M M       E                 (exploding)
FFFFF           M  M M  M       EEEEE              Issue #52
F               M   M   M       E
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The Writers (in no particular order):
Renee Elrod (aka eener):
Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan):

Extra Staff:
Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis)
--mel's brother & computer expert

FME on the web:


Uh...sorry.  Guess I got overexcited about Halloween.

Thought you'd all like to know that I (melvan) heard a wacky song on the
radio this week called "Dixie the Dog".  A guy singing about being a

This led me to wonder, "Have I ever wanted to be a dachsund?  If so,
why?  And when?"  At this point, I slapped myself.  "Of COURSE you've
wanted to be a dachsund!  Everyone does at one point in their life!"
Then I decided to drink a can of Dr Pepper, because I was hearing these
really weird voices in my head.


The Characters:
Raul:  played by Jim Varney
Esmerelda:  played by Roseanne
I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson
Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur
Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey
Buffy:  played by Princess Di

Last week on ATTB, Buffy made the unfortunate mistake of saying that duct
tape wasn't interesting.  It was a rainy day and everyone was bored, so
everyone ended up fighting, much like normal children do on rainy days.

This week, Buffy decides to run away from home.

Buffy:  I'm running away from home!
Al:  Fine.  Go then.
Buffy:  I am!
I.M.:  So go.
Buffy:  I'm gone.
Raul:  Go to jail.  Go directly to Jail, do not pass "Go", do not collect
Esmerelda:  What?
Raul:  I've always wanted to say that.
Esmerelda:  Uh...okay...
Howard:  (still crying) WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!  Go away!  I don't like you
anymore!!  WAAAAAAH!!!
Buffy:  Sheesh, Howard, GROW UP!!!!!
Raul:  I thought you were leaving.
(Buffy leaves)
Al:  Whew!  I never thought one of our own would desert us like that...
Esmerelda:  Don't worry about it.  These dumb writers have too many
characters to keep track of, so they had to kill one off.
Raul:  Yeah, it's sad, really...stupid writers...
Al:  What?  You mean Buffy's gone forever now??
I.M.:  But there's only six of us!  That's not too many, is it?

Join us next week, when the characters all drown (and die) in a lake,
since they have absolutely no respect for their writers...

Raul:  Hey, wait a minute!  I didn't mean that!  I'm too young to die!!!

*  Wise Sage  *
**Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night,
  wondering?  Ask the Wise Sage!  Email with your question

O great Wise Sage, where have you gone?

Fruit Bats in Your Toilet
**To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this
  section, email

Sent by Doug Fattig...

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Once upon a time, there was a fruit fly who wanted to rule the world.
Unfortunately for the fruit fly, there was also a frog who wanted to rule
the world.  The frog ate the fruit fly.  The end.

Dumb Poetry in a
Card Type Trash


with iridescent pink hair
he stands at the end of the rainbow
Waving his arms wildly
as the colors
cascade all around him...
"I finally know the secret of life!!"
he proclaims
and then he disappears
as Marvin the martian finally
succeeds in blowing up the earth


Untitled # 234

Cheesy cheesy
Cheesy cheesy cheesy
Yummy yummy
yummy yummy yummy
tasty tasty
tasty tasty tasty
Heyyyyyy Macaroni!!



i have no clue
why i titled this poem
because it has
to do with
go figure.


Come visit the Macheen Shed:

This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer,
except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people.  Feel
free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not
changed in any way.  FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in
(in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).