Issue #52, 30 October 1996

FFFFFFFFF       M       M       EEEEEEEEE
F               MM     MM       E               Farm Macheenery
F               M M   M M       E                 (exploding)
FFFFF           M  M M  M       EEEEE              Issue #52
F               M   M   M       E
F               M       M       E
F               M       M       EEEEEEEEE
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The Writers (in no particular order):
Renee Elrod (aka eener): eener@juno.com
Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): melvan@wildstar.net

Extra Staff:
Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis)
--mel's brother & computer expert

FME on the web:  http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uh...sorry.  Guess I got overexcited about Halloween.


Thought you'd all like to know that I (melvan) heard a wacky song on the
radio this week called "Dixie the Dog".  A guy singing about being a
dachsund.

This led me to wonder, "Have I ever wanted to be a dachsund?  If so,
why?  And when?"  At this point, I slapped myself.  "Of COURSE you've
wanted to be a dachsund!  Everyone does at one point in their life!"
Then I decided to drink a can of Dr Pepper, because I was hearing these
really weird voices in my head.


####################
AS THE TRACTOR BURNS
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@


The Characters:
Raul:  played by Jim Varney
Esmerelda:  played by Roseanne
I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson
Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur
Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey
Buffy:  played by Princess Di

Last week on ATTB, Buffy made the unfortunate mistake of saying that duct
tape wasn't interesting.  It was a rainy day and everyone was bored, so
everyone ended up fighting, much like normal children do on rainy days.

This week, Buffy decides to run away from home.


Buffy:  I'm running away from home!
Al:  Fine.  Go then.
Buffy:  I am!
I.M.:  So go.
Buffy:  I'm gone.
Raul:  Go to jail.  Go directly to Jail, do not pass "Go", do not collect
$200.
Esmerelda:  What?
Raul:  I've always wanted to say that.
Esmerelda:  Uh...okay...
Howard:  (still crying) WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!  Go away!  I don't like you
anymore!!  WAAAAAAH!!!
Buffy:  Sheesh, Howard, GROW UP!!!!!
Raul:  I thought you were leaving.
Buffy:  I AM, FOR PETE'S SAKE!
I.M.:  SO GET OUT OF HERE!!!
(Buffy leaves)
Howard:  WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Al:  Whew!  I never thought one of our own would desert us like that...
Esmerelda:  Don't worry about it.  These dumb writers have too many
characters to keep track of, so they had to kill one off.
Raul:  Yeah, it's sad, really...stupid writers...
Al:  What?  You mean Buffy's gone forever now??
I.M.:  But there's only six of us!  That's not too many, is it?

Join us next week, when the characters all drown (and die) in a lake,
since they have absolutely no respect for their writers...

Raul:  Hey, wait a minute!  I didn't mean that!  I'm too young to die!!!


***************
*  Wise Sage  *
***************
**Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night,
  wondering?  Ask the Wise Sage!  Email eener@juno.com with your question


O great Wise Sage, where have you gone?


*************************
Fruit Bats in Your Toilet
*************************
**To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this
  section, email melvan@wildstar.net


Sent by Doug Fattig...

holistic automotive repair.  Environmentally sound holistic automotive
repair performed by sensitive spiritually aware technicians.  The karma of
your automobile is thoroughly explored along with an electronic aura exam.
Our body shop offers therapeutic body massage which relieves the stress
caused by heavy traffic and can even help with the low self esteem
associated with premature rust.  While you are waiting you can relax with
a cup of herbal tea and we will explain the karma of your automobile and
it's relationship to the oneness of the universe.  We can't fix your car
but we can make you feel good about it being broke.


psychic intercession- Don't bother calling us.  We already know about you
and your problem.  Just send us a check in the mail.

Telepathic message service.  Same day delivery of messages to any person,
any place in the world.  $4 per 20 word message.  Necromatic
communications an additional 20 cents per word.  (Ask about our bussiness
rates for telepathic general broadcast of commercial material.)

------------------
URGENT FME NEWS!!!
------------------

Once upon a time, there was a fruit fly who wanted to rule the world.
Unfortunately for the fruit fly, there was also a frog who wanted to rule
the world.  The frog ate the fruit fly.  The end.

----------------
Dumb Poetry in a
Card Type Trash
----------------

Troll
------

Short
Fat
with iridescent pink hair
he stands at the end of the rainbow
Waving his arms wildly
as the colors
cascade all around him...
"I finally know the secret of life!!"
he proclaims
and then he disappears
as Marvin the martian finally
succeeds in blowing up the earth

eener

Untitled # 234
-------------------

Cheesy cheesy
Cheesy cheesy cheesy
Macaroni
Yummy yummy
yummy yummy yummy
Macaroni
tasty tasty
tasty tasty tasty
Macaroni
Heyyyyyy Macaroni!!
Aaai!

eener



Beef
----

i have no clue
why i titled this poem
'beef'
because it has
nothing
to do with
beef.
go figure.

melvan

Come visit the Macheen Shed:  http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/

This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer,
except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people.  Feel
free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not
changed in any way.  FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in
(in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).

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