Issue #50, 15 October 1996

FFFFFFFFF       M       M       EEEEEEEEE
F               MM     MM       E               Farm Macheenery
F               M M   M M       E                 (exploding)
FFFFF           M  M M  M       EEEEE              Issue #50
F               M   M   M       E
F               M       M       E
F               M       M       EEEEEEEEE
The Writers (in no particular order):
Renee Elrod (aka eener):
Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan):

Extra Staff:
Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis)
--mel's brother & computer expert

FME on the web:

*fumbling around desk* Where is that intro?  I know I had it here
somewhere...*moves notebooks* What the heck did I do with it?  It was here
just a minute ago...darn, I guess I'll have to wing it...

HELLO!  Issue #50!  Wow!  That's a lot!  Do you care!  I didn't think so!


The Characters:
Raul:  played by Jim Varney
Esmerelda:  played by Roseanne
I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson
Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur
Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey
Buffy:  played by Princess Di

Last week on ATTB, all the characters were stranded in a painting...

The scene:  a small antiques store in Iowa...

Raul:  Whew!  How did we get out of that painting??
I.M.:  Well...I've come to the conclusion that the writers of this throw
us around from one location to another with no apparent rhyme or
Buffy:  It's probably because they watch old "Tom and Jerry" cartoons too
Buffy:  Umm...oh, never mind...I just had a line.
Al:  Geez Buffy, are you trying to hog the lines again???
Esmerelda:  HEY!  We're in that stupid antiques store again!  They must
be getting short on interesting sets or something...
(A large line of text rolls across the reads "The End")
Buffy: WAIT A MINUTE!!  We're not done with this episode yet!!!!!
Howard:  Uhhhh...yeah, what she said.
Soundtrack:  Begins to play Y.M.C.A.

....the last we see of the characters, they are doing the motions to the
song Y.M.C.A...
join us next week....

*  Wise Sage  *
**Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night,
  wondering?  Ask the Wise Sage!  Email with your question

Dear Wizes age,

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Signed, WallPhone

Dear WallPhone,

Actually, it was neither the chicken nor the egg.  It was the lips.

Wise Sage

Fruit Bats in Your Toilet
**To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this
  section, email

From one M. Dale Prins...

I've been in a poetry writing frenzy lately (both serious and humorous),
so I've decided to send you four of the better funny ones for your

my love

my true, true love is a rose bush, wearing blood-red
flowers of peace, love, and happiness.  but I don't
go out with chicks that have three arms,
so I dumped her.

i love my thesaurus

my formerly contrite, blithe heart is azure, morose,
rueful, desirous, disconsolate.  i'm not sure what that
means, but i'm sure it's very true.

There once was a man from New Jersey

There once was a man from New Jersey
Who lived in a state called New Jersey
He was born in this state
And lived in this state
Yes, he lived in a state called New Jersey.

There once was a man from Berlin

There once was a man from Berlin
Who wrote for his friends and his kin
He typed novels and plays
For all of his days
But couldn't complete one dang lim.


------------------ that the anniversary issue is over, there's no news...BUT go
see the anniversary issue anyway!

BTW, due to complaints about the background, I have removed now
you can read stuff.

Dumb Poetry in a
Card Type Trash


I am at the movies...
I crunch on delicious
movie popcorn
that is smothered with butter
and dusted with salt...
I got a popcorn kernel
stuck in my gums again...
and one between my teeth...
Heeeelp me!


not working...

trying to write dumb poetry
while watching cartoons...
is just not working!
I went to the arcade today...
got beat in air hockey...
I really like air hockey.



the cat broke his leg
my dad fixed the car
i got my paycheck
the dog is a moron
there is duct tape on my window screen
the leaves turn colors in the fall
i need a newsgroup for gfot recovery
the mail came at 2:00 today
and there is a little
that says
is an offensive name.



The small mouse
scampers across the floor
A cat on the other side of the room
The cat's eyes glitter in the dark...
The mouse
senses danger...
He stops.
He does the Macarena.
The cat joins in.
And suddenly...Geraldo walks into the room!!
He announces "Cats and mice who do the macarena...
and the women who love them...on our next show!"


the pit.

there is a large hole
in my



Come visit the Macheen Shed:

This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer,
except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people.  Feel
free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not
changed in any way.  FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in
(in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).