FFFFFFFFF M M EEEEEEEEE F MM MM E Farm Macheenery F M M M M E (exploding) FFFFF M M M M EEEEE Issue #48 F M M M E F M M E F M M EEEEEEEEE +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Writers (in no particular order): Renee Elrod (aka eener): email@example.com Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): firstname.lastname@example.org Extra Staff: Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis) --mel's brother & computer expert FME on the web: http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Hello folks! This is the last issue before the big anniversary issue next week! Please let us know what your favorites are soon! Once upon a time, there was a tractor. It was a nice tractor. It liked everyone. Everyone liked it. The tractor was out in a cornfield one day, and it spontaneously exploded. The end. The moral of the story: Don't eat peaches. #################### AS THE TRACTOR BURNS @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The Characters: Raul: played by Jim Varney Esmerelda: played by Roseanne I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey Buffy: played by Princess Di Last week on ATTB, nothing happened. The week before, nothing happened. The week previous to that, again, nothing happened. Nothing has happened on ATTB since we started writing it. This tradition will continue. This week on ATTB, nothing is going to happen, aside from a slight incident involving a package of braunschweiger, which, despite the fact that it's liver sausage, actually tastes somewhat decent. Scene: Howard is about to open the package of braunshweiger, to which Buffy is objecting. Howard: Look, nothing you say is going to stop me! I'm hungry! Buffy: But that poor braunschweiger! You'll kill it! Howard: I can't kill the *&%^$^&%#$ thing, it's not alive! Al: *steals the braunschweiger* Haha! I've got it! I'm a hero! Save the braunshweiger! I'm going to tell the ASPCA about you! Howard: Come on, give it back! Raul: Howard, you're sick. Picking on a poor, defenseless braunshweiger? How cruel! Esmerelda: *sobs* I thought you were my friend! Friends don't go around picking on people littler than them! I.M.: Hey! What the heck are you talking about? Braunshweiger is an inanimate object! It doesn't have feelings! It isn't alive! It's just a hunk of liver! Howard: Yeah, what he said. Buffy: You guys just don't get it, do you? Braunshweigers are people too! Esmerelda: Just think of all those poor braunshweigers that people eat every day! It's horrible! It has to stop! *sobs* I.M.: Oh, puh-leeeeaze... (Meanwhile, Howard has been stalking Al, who has the braunshweiger...) Howard: *steals the braunshweiger back* HAHAHA!! I have the braunshweiger! I'm going to cut it open and put it in a sandwich and eat it and there's nothing you can do to stop me!!! *cuts open the braunshweiger* Esmerelda: *sobs* I can't watch this! *runs out of the room* Al: *gasps* How dare you! Raul: *disgustedly* You are one sick little puppy, Howard... Howard: Shut up, or you're next *points the knife at Raul* Buffy: Now you're threatening Raul?? It's not enough to kill an innocent braunshweiger, you have to go after your FRIENDS now? Sheesh, you think you know somebody... I.M.: *takes a bite out of his sandwich* Mmmm! This is a good sandwich, Howard! *wipes braunshweiger off his hands* Howard: Um, I.M., shouldn't you be wearing gloves? I.M.: Gloves? Oh yeah! Gloves! *tries to put the gloves on, but they don't fit* Uh, they don't fit...now what? Join us next week, when once again, nothing will happen. *************** * Wise Sage * *************** **Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night, wondering? Ask the Wise Sage! Email email@example.com with your question Dear Wise (and wonderous) Sage, what exactly is the weeble incident? Dazed and Confused One Dear Dazed and Confused One, The weeble incident occurred in a camp in Ontario, Canada. Eener and melvan were hanging out in the cabin, and eener got in a wacky mood (yes, it does happen occasionally) and made up a song* about melvan being like a weeble. That, in a nutshell, is the weeble incident. Wise Sage *this is a song you will NEVER hear... ------------------ URGENT FME NEWS!!! ------------------ This is your LAST CHANCE to vote for your favorite FME stuff! The anniversary issue comes out next week! Email firstname.lastname@example.org with your favorites. ---------------- Dumb Poetry in a Card Type Trash ---------------- Untitled #295 ------------------- Two boll weevils in the spice cabinet... climb into the oregano tip over the pepper and salt as they scurry towards the chopped cloves... they chase each other as the spices mingle in the air thyme flies when you're having fun eener General protection fault -------------------------------- Frustration as my computer misbehaves again... I try to run the program but all the computer will say is general protection fault Anger towards the collection of bits and bytes I sit and stew in my chair smoke curls from my ears just like in the cartoons and then an anvil falls onto my head eener The Abode --------- 77 empty root beer bottles on the floor, 77 empty root beer bottles if one of those bottles should happen to fall 77 broken root beer bottles on the floor and socks and root beer cartons and junk Enter if you dare but don't touch the guitar... melvan Come visit the Macheen Shed: http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/ This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer, except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people. Feel free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not changed in any way. FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in (in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).