FFFFFFFFF M M EEEEEEEEE F MM MM E Farm Macheenery F M M M M E (exploding) FFFFF M M M M EEEEE Issue #45 F M M M E F M M E F M M EEEEEEEEE +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Writers (in no particular order): Renee Elrod (aka eener): firstname.lastname@example.org Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): email@example.com Extra Staff: Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis) --mel's brother & computer expert FME on the web: http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Hello again!!! We have a great project that we desperately need your help on! We are compiling some of the best FME stuff from the last year for our 1 year anniversary edition, and we need YOU to tell us what you liked best from the last year! VOTE for your favorites! The categories are: --Favorite ATTB episode --Favorite Dumb Poetry --Favorite Wise Sage letters --Favorite section of the magazine --Favorite stuff from "The Section Where Other People Write"/"Fruit Bats in Your Toilet" PLEASE respond by September 30!! The anniversary issue will be ready on Wednesday, October 9. Another installment of Oh Snop! (life's little annoyances) ....or whatever the heading for this category is :) For those of you who are relatively new to FME, "Snop" is the official bad word of this publication. This section is devoted to complaining about life's little annoyances, and I (eener) have a gripe about something, sooo...hey! Wait! Where are you going? Ok...I'll complain nicely....NOT! ;) This is a complaint about what a pain in the rear it is to get a license here in Georgia, where I recently moved. I lost my license in Wisconsin before I moved and couldn't find it! If I would have known what a royal pain getting one here would be after losing my WI license...I sure would've gotten a replacement before I left. Ahh...but hindsight is always 20/20. To begin with, I have to take my driving and written tests again. I'm not TOO worried about that part of it...all except the parallel parking part. I *hate* parallel parking, and I certainly don't think I'm the *only* one ;) The worst part of it all, is that I need "proof of residence" before I can get a driver's license here. I don't have ANY of the things on the list that you can use for proof of residence. You can use several things, such as a bank statement with your address on it...but it has to be a LOCAL bank (which of course it doesn't specify on the list :P). And in order to get an account here, you need a job here....geez! Of course, I am set now, because I just got a job at Delta Airlines here...and they can write a letter stating that my address is such and such. Woo woo!! But a warning to all....get a replacement license BEFORE you move....and avoid the hassle!!! Of course...you still might need proof of residence..but you probably won't need to take the test again! Ok...I'll shuddup now...I can see you advancing towards me holding that duct tape. Nooo! Don't duct tape my fingers!! I won't be able to type! Ack! Ack! Ack!!! aosdiugp;osai;odifu;asdodifu;asf..... #################### AS THE TRACTOR BURNS @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The Characters: Raul: played by Jim Varney Esmerelda: played by Roseanne I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey Buffy: played by Princess Di GUEST STAR: The Evil Taxi Driver: played by Beldin Last week on ATTB, Al discovered that the "evil taxi driver" that kidnapped him, was in fact Batman in disguise!!! His plan was to get Al to be his sidekick.... Taxi Driver: Al...I now dub you my new sidekick..."Sir Laffsalot" *whonks Al on either side of his head with a large foam noodle* Al: Ouch! Taxi Driver: I expect you to be faithful to the cause of Batman, which is to get as many babes as you can to fall in love with you! Al: Uh...I think I can go along with that! Taxi Driver: Good, I'm glad you like the idea...because the pay sucks. Back at the theater, Howard is having a phone conversation with the blonde receptionist... Howard: Wanna go out Saturday night? Receptionist: Um...where do you wanna go? *dabs white-out on the phone receiver* Oooops, sorry, I didn't mean to say that. What I meant to say was "Sure! I'll go out with you....is your last name Gfot?" Howard: *with his hand over the phone mouthpiece* Hey guys! She asked me if my last name was Gfot...what should I say? And what's a gfot??? Join us next week...when you may or may not find out what a gfot is... ------------------ URGENT FME NEWS!!! ------------------ In case you care to know, MELVAN FINALLY GOT HER HARD DRIVE!!!!! *************** * Wise Sage * *************** **Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night, wondering? Ask the Wise Sage! Email firstname.lastname@example.org with your question Wise Sage, Do you get your name from the sage brush that grows in the wild or are you a decendent of the family Sage (Pronounced saw-gee, greek for "Let his cereal sit too long")? M. Parsons Dear M. Parsons, Actually, I am named after a strange variety of eggplant from Tasmania called the SageEggplant. Wise Sage ************************* Fruit Bats in Your Toilet ************************* **To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this section, email email@example.com Splat ----- the noise of spam hitting a linoleum floor --qaz1 ---------------- Dumb Poetry in a Card Type Trash ---------------- Malaprops up the wazoo --------------------------------- Hey people! Go out today and kick a gift horse in the teeth... and while you're at it... plug your nose because... something stinks in Denver.... eener Jingle Bells (seriously revised version) ----------------------------------------------------- It's Christmas '96... fa la la la la la la la laaaaa Buy Renee some pixie stix fa la la la la la la la laaaaaa... Kill Alanis Morisette Fa la la la la la la la laaaaaaa! Iiii just realized... the title of this poem... should be... Deck the halls.... seriously revised... Isn't it ironic... don't you think? eener Sloooooooow... -------------- once upon a time the mail came at noon and now it comes at 2 pm. melvan Come visit the Macheen Shed: http://www.wildstar.net/~melvan/macheen/ This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer, except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people. Feel free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not changed in any way. FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in (in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon.