FFFFFFFFF M M EEEEEEEEE F MM MM E Farm Macheenery F M M M M E (exploding) FFFFF M M M M EEEEE Issue #41 F M M M E F M M E F M M EEEEEEEEE +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Writers (in no particular order): Renee Elrod (aka eener): email@example.com Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): firstname.lastname@example.org Extra Staff: Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis) --DP's brother & computer expert FME on the web: http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Welcome to yet another fun-filled issue of Farm Macheenery (exploding) Magazine! We do hope that you enjoy your weekly dose of stoopidity as much as we enjoy writing it! First up this week, a story melvan wrote about working at Pizza Hut: "A Short Essay (with a long title) about Working at Pizza Hut" The short version: Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it doesn't. Like on payday. The slightly longer version: OK, some background. The make table is where we make the pizzas (hence the name "make table"). In this table are about 20 pans of different sizes for the sauces, cheese, and toppings. Health laws require us to flip these pans every night when business slows down - so the stuff on the bottom of the old pan goes to the top of the new pan and it all gets used. Then there's less chance of food spoiling. Cool, eh? Anyway, this has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of what I'm going to write - except that one night while I was flipping these pans, one of the other cooks decided to re-write a certain song: "Someone's flipping, Lord, Kumbayah...Someone's flipping, Lord, Kumbayah...." This particular co-worker of mine has a - er, um, STRANGE sense of humor. Never a dull moment when he's around. A particular favorite pastime of his while at work is making fun of any song that comes on the radio - or saying things like "You know, I sang backup on this album....Yeah, me and Bob Dylan go waaaaay back...." He's also a drummer in a band, so that might have something to do with his personality - when you beat on things all the time, it's gotta do something to your brain.... Just my two cents...and some of your mom's meatloaf - sorry, another Pizza Hut inside joke.... The long version: Wait for the movie!! #################### AS THE TRACTOR BURNS @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The Characters: Raul: played by Jim Varney Esmerelda: played by Roseanne I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey Buffy: played by Princess Di Last time on ATTB: I don't even remember, so I'm not even going to try to pick up where we left off. Why should that surprise you? Oh yes! Of course! The entire cast is going to drown in a can of Mountain Dew this week!! Now I remember! Entire cast: Help! We're falling into a can of Mountain Dew!! The End. *************** * Wise Sage * *************** **Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night, wondering? Ask the Wise Sage! email email@example.com with your questions Due to eener moving last week, the Wise Sage column is not here this week. It will return again next week, or whenever we have questions to be answered. ************************* Fruit Bats in your Toilet ************************* **To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this section, email firstname.lastname@example.org Yikes! We have more fruit bats than we know what to do with! French Toast Warm, moist, Smothered in sweetness A fork gently slicing a buttered edge Aunt Jamima! Log Cabin! Running sap flowing from the silent Maple. More PLEASE! More French Toast... Marvin of 41 the other day my friend got a job at the dollar store and everyone made fun of her. she was not ashamed however, she said, "Nothing bad has ever happened to anyone at the dollar store." The next day, a dollar store employee was found completely duct taped in the storage room of the store and all the money had VANiSHED!!!! My friend quit. --Indiegyrl A response to FME #39, in which we stated that the fruit bats died: I had a pet fruitbat, but he died. To say I didn't love him, I'd say I lied. I'm sad he's gone, but my heart will mend. Cause when we played hide'n seek, He'd always get me "in the end". IUDTG ---------------- Dumb Poetry in a Card Type Trash ---------------- Hunger ------ I rush out the door I would eat more breakfast if only I had a mouth. eener Smile... -------- because the sky is blue because the grass is green because of a Hershey's candy bar because of the Energizer Bunny because you're not eating lutefisk because you have a mouth because. eener Sleep Deprivation ----------------- bloodshot eyes sore muscles yawning constantly weird poetry and zucchini. melvan Heating Pad ----------- Spock raises an eyebrow as I mutate. eener & melvan Jellybeans ---------- In my Easter basket I see jelly beans In my Easter basket I see Easter grass In my Easter basket I see chocolate eggs In my Easter basket I see marshmallow birdies In my Easter basket I see William Shatner and realize I'm not in Kansas anymore Toto. eener *NOTE: if you read last week's issue, in which melvan put the list of stuff found under eener's bed, then you'll understand why we put this poem in this week's issue* Dissertation on the Meaning of Life ----------------------------------- MM (Marcel Marceau) Conflagration ------------- Microwave oven to bake my potato... flames shoot from the spud... it is now coal... I wonder if it could become a diamond if I broiled it? eener *NOTE: This DID actually happen to eener once when she put a potato in the microwave....* :):):):):):):):):):):):):):) Come visit the Macheen Shed: http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/ This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer, except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people. Feel free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not changed in any way. FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in (in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).