eenerisan M M mk3goddess F MM MM E Farm Macheenery F M M M M E (exploding) melvan M M M M is an Issue #32 F M M M E F M M E F M M irc addict +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Writers (in no particular order): Renee Elrod (aka eener): email@example.com Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): firstname.lastname@example.org Extra Staff: Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis) --DP's brother & computer expert FME on the web: http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ To kick off this, our thirty-second issue, I (eener), thought I'd tell you all what is located on a shelf in melvan's room. This is no ordinary collection of junk...one of the things is an Energizer bunny flashlight. Ok, that's not *too* weird, you may say. But this flashlight is nestled up next to a large ceramic pink piggy bank. AND the piggy bank has duct tape stuck to its stomach. Ok...and over on the other side of the shelf, there is a roll of duct tape, sitting there like a trophy of some kind. (And get this: I saw her put her Dr. Pepper in the hole in the duct tape roll...yeah...) Behind the duct tape is a box of Animaniacs Macaroni and Cheese. She doesn't plan to eat this mac n cheese, mind you!!! I think she plans to keep it just in case it becomes a collector's item, or something. Next to the mac n cheese is a stuffed Wakko doll. (Wakko is one of the Animaniacs.) And get this: she has two miniature tractors up there... signifying this lovely E-zine, of course. (I, too have a small tractor at home, which melvan gave me as a kewlio gift....) To top off this lovely ensemble, melvan has a miniature pool table on her shelf, which I so ceremoniously gave her as a gift once. Well, that basically covers it... Rebuttal by melvan: Oh yeah? Well...well...eener eats salt & vinegar potato chips!!!! AND...um...uh...er...hmmm...nevermind. Reply by eener: Is that it? 70 cents! (note to folks: don't even try to get this one. It's a joke between me and mel from wayyyyyyyy back!) Next from melvan again: Hmmm...that window looks like there's another room over there...Oh...and...PLLBBP! (more inside jokes) Special note to Darin in GA: Welllll...paint the doghouse black!!!!! Note to all you kewl subscribers from eener and melvan: We love all you WaCky subscribers...keep on laughing!! "It's like 3 women cooking in the dark..." --actual quote from eener's brother note from eener: Geeeeee mel, do ya think the intro's long enough yet? note from melvan: Nope, add a couple more pages to it.... YET another note from eener: There's one more thing I have to say one certain Matt Prins......Yaaaa...JUST KIDDING!!! AN IOWA JOKE A WEEK...ALL SUMMER... This one was contributed to us by mookie: Iowa: Idiots Out Walking Around eener notes: I've heard that one before!! Heh heh heh Okay!!!! Okayyyyyy...on with the 'zine, ferpete'ssake!! ...And now for something completely different........ (Yup...Monty Python all de way) #################### AS THE TRACTOR BURNS @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The Characters: Raul: played by Jim Varney Esmerelda: played by Roseanne I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey Buffy: played by Princess Di When we last saw our ATTB characters, they were putting Al to bed because he was saying...uh...weird things. Note to the new and/or clueless: Al Rightithen is running for President of the United States. Al (waking up): Ah...(y*wns)...that was a good nap! I should take them more often. (Bill Clinton appears in a poof of green smoke) Bill: Heyyyy...what's going on? *looks sadly at his empty hands* Where did my Big Mac go? Buffy: Uh...I think you're on the wrong stage, pal. Bill: I feel your pain... Esmerelda: Ack! Get out of here!!!!! (Bill Clinton disappears in a poof of striped smoke) Howard: *slightly bug-eyed* Wowwwwww...the special effects just keep getting cooler and cooler! Either the special effects budget has been increased, or the editors are in a good mood. Buffy: *with a thoughtful expression on her face* They must have been drinking Dr. Pepper...just what the doctor ordered. Howard: What, aren't you going to attribute this to the metric system? Buffy: Uh, not this time. Raul: Whew! I'm glad Bill disappeared quickly! We wouldn't want him to pick up on any of our campaign secrets! I.M.: Yeah, whatever. Al: Who cares? I'm going to win! The polls don't lie! I'm right at the top! When I get to the White House, I'm gonna have a party! Raul: Uh, Al...that's what *every* President does when they win... Join us next time when the characters may or may not eat Spam. *************** * Wise Sage * *************** **Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night, wondering? Ask the Wise Sage! email email@example.com with your questions Da Wise Sage has questions, but due to some circumstances (namely, the computer lab at the university being closed), the questions will be printed in next week's issue.... ************************* Fruit Bats in Your Toilet ************************* **To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this section, email firstname.lastname@example.org Hmmm....how come nobody's sending stuff? Surely somebody *must* have something of importance to say.... ------------------ URGENT FME NEWS!!! ------------------ Are you having a hard time trying to think of a birthday gift for that special someone? Or, is there just someone you'd like to give a gift to for no particular reason? Or do you just want to annoy the heck out of someone? Buy them a gift subscription to FME! They'll thank you for the rest of their lives...er, we hope! And best of all...it's free! If there is someone you want to subscribe to this illustrious publication, send us their email address, and we the FME editors will do the rest! ---------------- Dumb Poetry in a Card Type Trash ---------------- Da Family Bizness ----------------- I've worked there for two long years... and now... my brother just got a job doing the same thing... in a different Pizza Hut... in a totally different town....... This poem looks sculptured somehow..... Bye. melvan Yet another identity crisis --------------------------- Someone told me I was a pez dispenser because I had a pony-tail Yankyankyank eener ------ melvan: Okay...iz we done with this issue? eener: Before we end this, I want to say "Live long and prosper...and use lots of duct tape." :):):):):):):):):):):):):):) Come visit the Macheen Shed: http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/ This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer, except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people. Feel free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not changed in any way. FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in (in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).