Issue #32, 27 May 1996

eenerisan       M       M       mk3goddess
F               MM     MM       E               Farm Macheenery
F               M M   M M       E                 (exploding)
melvan          M  M M  M       is an              Issue #32
F               M   M   M       E
F               M       M       E
F               M       M       irc addict
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Writers (in no particular order):
Renee Elrod (aka eener): re11@uwrf.edu
Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): melvan@pressenter.com

Extra Staff:
Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Elkvis)
--DP's brother & computer expert

FME on the web:  http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To kick off this, our thirty-second issue, I (eener), thought I'd tell you
all what is located on a shelf in melvan's room.  This is no ordinary
collection of junk...one of the things is an Energizer bunny flashlight.
Ok, that's not *too* weird, you may say.  But this flashlight is nestled
up next to a large ceramic pink piggy bank.  AND the piggy bank has duct
tape stuck to its stomach.  Ok...and over on the other side of the shelf,
there is a roll of duct tape, sitting there like a trophy of some kind.
(And get this:  I saw her put her Dr. Pepper in the hole in the duct tape
roll...yeah...)  Behind the duct tape is a box of Animaniacs Macaroni and
Cheese.  She doesn't plan to eat this mac n cheese, mind you!!! I think
she plans to keep it just in case it becomes a collector's item, or
something.  Next to the mac n cheese is a stuffed Wakko doll. (Wakko is
one of the Animaniacs.)  And get this:  she has two miniature tractors up
there...  signifying this lovely E-zine, of course.  (I, too have a small
tractor at home, which melvan gave me as a kewlio gift....)  To top off
this lovely ensemble, melvan has a miniature pool table on her shelf,
which I so ceremoniously gave her as a gift once. Well, that basically
covers it...

Rebuttal by melvan:  Oh yeah?  Well...well...eener eats salt & vinegar
potato chips!!!!  AND...um...uh...er...hmmm...nevermind.

Reply by eener:  Is that it?  70 cents!  (note to folks:  don't even try
to get this one.  It's a joke between me and mel from wayyyyyyyy back!)

Next from melvan again:  Hmmm...that window looks like there's another
room over there...Oh...and...PLLBBP!  (more inside jokes)

Special note to Darin in GA:  Welllll...paint the doghouse black!!!!!

Note to all you kewl subscribers from eener and melvan:  We love all you
WaCky subscribers...keep on laughing!!

"It's like 3 women cooking in the dark..." --actual quote from eener's
brother

note from eener:  Geeeeee mel, do ya think the intro's long enough yet?


note from melvan:  Nope, add a couple more pages to it....

YET another note from eener:  There's one more thing I have to say one
certain Matt Prins......Yaaaa...JUST KIDDING!!!

AN IOWA JOKE A WEEK...ALL SUMMER...

This one was contributed to us by mookie:

Iowa:  Idiots Out Walking Around

eener notes: I've heard that one before!! Heh heh heh

Okay!!!!  Okayyyyyy...on with the 'zine, ferpete'ssake!!

...And now for something completely different........
(Yup...Monty Python all de way)

####################
AS THE TRACTOR BURNS
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

The Characters:
Raul:  played by Jim Varney
Esmerelda:  played by Roseanne
I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson
Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur
Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey
Buffy:  played by Princess Di

When we last saw our ATTB characters, they were putting Al to bed because
he was saying...uh...weird things.  Note to the new and/or clueless:  Al
Rightithen is running for President of the United States.

Al (waking up):  Ah...(y*wns)...that was a good nap!  I should take them
more often.
(Bill Clinton appears in a poof of green smoke)
Bill:  Heyyyy...what's going on?  *looks sadly at his empty hands*  Where
did my Big Mac go?
Buffy:  Uh...I think you're on the wrong stage, pal.
Bill:  I feel your pain...
Esmerelda:  Ack!  Get out of here!!!!!
(Bill Clinton disappears in a poof of striped smoke)
Howard:  *slightly bug-eyed*  Wowwwwww...the special effects just keep
getting cooler and cooler!  Either the special effects budget has been
increased, or the editors are in a good mood.
Buffy:  *with a thoughtful expression on her face*  They must have been
drinking Dr. Pepper...just what the doctor ordered.
Howard:  What, aren't you going to attribute this to the metric system?
Buffy:  Uh, not this time.
Raul:  Whew!  I'm glad Bill disappeared quickly!  We wouldn't want him to
pick up on any of our campaign secrets!
I.M.:  Yeah, whatever.
Al:  Who cares?  I'm going to win!  The polls don't lie!  I'm right at the
top!  When I get to the White House, I'm gonna have a party!
Raul:  Uh, Al...that's what *every* President does when they win...

Join us next time when the characters may or may not eat Spam.

***************
*  Wise Sage  *
***************
**Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up
  at night, wondering?  Ask the Wise Sage!
  email re11@uwrf.edu with your questions

Da Wise Sage has questions, but due to some circumstances (namely, the
computer lab at the university being closed), the questions will be
printed in next week's issue....

*************************
Fruit Bats in Your Toilet
*************************
**To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or
  whatever in this section, email melvan@pressenter.com

Hmmm....how come nobody's sending stuff?  Surely somebody *must* have
something of importance to say....

------------------
URGENT FME NEWS!!!
------------------

Are you having a hard time trying to think of a birthday gift for that
special someone?  Or, is there just someone you'd like to give a gift to
for no particular reason?  Or do you just want to annoy the heck out of
someone?  Buy them a gift subscription to FME!  They'll thank you for the
rest of their lives...er, we hope!  And best of all...it's free!  If there
is someone you want to subscribe to this illustrious publication, send us
their email address, and we the FME editors will do the rest!


----------------
Dumb Poetry in a
Card Type Trash
----------------

Da Family Bizness
-----------------

I've worked there for
two
long
years...
and now...
my brother
just got a job
doing the same thing...
in a different Pizza Hut...
in a totally different town.......
This poem looks sculptured somehow.....
Bye.

melvan


Yet another identity crisis
---------------------------

Someone told me
I was a pez dispenser
because
I had a pony-tail
Yankyankyank

eener

------

melvan:  Okay...iz we done with this issue?
eener:  Before we end this, I want to say "Live long and prosper...and use
lots of duct tape."

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Come visit the Macheen Shed:  http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/

This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer,
except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people.  Feel
free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not changed
in any way.  FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in (in
regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *