Dr.Pepper M M IsAwesome F MM MM E Farm Macheenery F M M M M E (exploding) FFFFF M M M M EEEEE Issue #29 F M M M E F M M E F M M Drinkit!! +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Writers (in no particular order): Renee Elrod (aka eener): firstname.lastname@example.org Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): email@example.com Extra Staff: Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Marvin the Magnificent or MM) --DP's brother & computer expert (elkvis on irc) FME on the web: http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 'Tis spring in Wisconsin...finally!!! There are robins, mud, and WORMS!!!!! We have WORMS!!! Yes....we are aware that we've announced spring's occurrence in the intro before...but then again, it'd snow after we said it. Hmmmmm....so we hope this is REALLY spring, and we really hope it's not going to snow anymore!!!!!!!! AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO THE ANTEATER IN CA: Haven't heard from you much lately...what's up?--from melvan AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO DARIN IN GA: Oh...nothing in particular, I just wanted to put an announcement here!!! Hahaha! Oh-- when are you going to send me that pumpkin?? lol! And Dr. Pepper is *much* more awesome that Mr. Pibb!!!!! Hahaa! *HuGs*--from eener AnD NoW for another InStAlLmEnT of.... How to tell you've been on IRC too long...or ADDICTED to IrC!! 1. You refer to your teachers, parents, and boss as "ops" 2. The only web pages you go to are those involved with irc 3. You own a bot 4. You run an election for an imaginary organization started on an irc channel 5. You speak in constant random abbreviations...lol, brb, imho...etc. 6. Becoming lagged is your main concern in life.. 7. You have the uncontrollable urge to refer to yourself in third person. 8. When you hear something funny, your first response is to want to say "LOL" 9. You change your nick when you're away...i.e. melvan becomes mel`sAway, etc. 10. As an extention to #9...you stay on the computer, even when you're NOT there...for example, if you're in the shower, you stay logged on, and leave a message to say you're in the shower!! 11. You get an extra phone line for the modem just so you can be on irc all the time. (ain't it purdy how we lined it up like that?? hehehe :) #################### AS THE TRACTOR BURNS @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The Characters: Raul: played by Jim Varney Esmerelda: played by Roseanne I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey Buffy: played by Princess Di Last week on ATTB...oh...never mind...it doesn't really matter, because we're completely changing the plot anyway! *diabolical laughter* Scene is a campaign office...because Al is running for President of the United States!! Al: If I'm elected, I promise to clean everyone's toilet for free! Weird Al: I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station...with my tongue...than vote for you. *looks around* Hey!! I've been here before!! Only...I was a minister...and people are out looking for me!!! I'd better scram!! (Weird Al disappears in a poof of sparkling smoke) Al: Hey, where'd he go? *looks around* Well, it doesn't matter, I have to practice my campaign speech! Esmerelda: Can I be your campaign manager? Raul: No, that job's already taken. Al: I can have two...or five... I.M.: Okay, we'll all be campaign managers!! Buffy: I don't wanna be a campaign manager! I wanna be a chicken fajita! Al: Actually, Buffy--I was thinking that you could be my makeup and hair person! I must look very spiffay in order to attain this office. Esmerelda: HEY! I just realized you don't have a wife, Al! Who is going to be the first lady??? Buffy: *thinks* Hmmmm...ok, I'll be your makeup and hair person! *poofs face powder in Al's general direction* Al: *practicing speech* I will abolish taxes on Dr. Pepper, Spam, and duct tape! Next week we'll find out exactly how Al plans to raise money for the National Society of Barn Door Builders if he takes the taxes off Spam. *************** * Wise Sage * *************** **Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up at night, wondering? Ask the Wise Sage! email firstname.lastname@example.org with your questions Dear Wise Sage, When You leave gummy bears in the sun too long, they stick together. Why? Rick Beuttenmuller Dear Rick, As you may guess from the name, gummy bears do in fact contain gum. The heat of the sun's rays beating down on the gummy bears causes a reaction with the gum which causes it to become sticky, thus the bears stick together. You have probably already been asking yourself..."Does this also apply to Forrest Gump, since 'Gum' is in his last name?" And the answer to that is a resounding "Yes!" If Forrest Gump were in a bag with gummy bears in the sun, he'd stick to them. Wise Sage ************************* Fruit Bats in your Toilet ************************* **To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or whatever in this section, email email@example.com In case you didn't notice....we've ChAnGeD the name of this column!! Yessss indeedy. We decided that people would be more likely to send their thoughts and writings in to a column with this name. Our "new name" is more sophisticated, evoking vivid mental pictures, which we hope the entries to this column will do also. Thank you for your tyme. (yes, I missssspelled that on porpoise...we want you to send us your tyme cards, or cash cards, or credit cards--and don't forget to enclose the pin numbers!!! Just kidding!!) Have a nice day. ------------------ URGENT FME NEWS!!! ------------------ An announcement to all you DTUA people: Go see the DTUA page!! http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/dtua/ An announcement to all the rest of you: Go see the Macheen Shed!! http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/ ---------------- Dumb Poetry in a Card Type Trash ---------------- Keychain -------- A keychain without keys eener Unt --- Childhood friend lived out in the yard turned into a frisbee melvan Oaten ----- I found the answer to world hunger in my belly button. eener Reassurrance ------------ Well at least I never had a friend named Unt. eener Rebuttal -------- I never named my belly button. melvan ****** This is the end of the 29th issue of Farm Macheenery (exploding). :):):):):):):):):):):):):):) Come visit the Macheen Shed: http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/ This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer, except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people. Feel free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not changed in any way. FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in (in regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).