Issue #29, 6 May 1996

Dr.Pepper       M       M       IsAwesome
F               MM     MM       E               Farm Macheenery
F               M M   M M       E                 (exploding)
FFFFF           M  M M  M       EEEEE              Issue #29
F               M   M   M       E
F               M       M       E
F               M       M       Drinkit!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Writers (in no particular order):
Renee Elrod (aka eener): re11@uwrf.edu
Melissa Hoffmeyer (aka melvan): melvan@pressenter.com

Extra Staff:
Andy Hoffmeyer (aka Marvin the Magnificent or MM)
--DP's brother & computer expert
(elkvis on irc)

FME on the web:  http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

'Tis spring in Wisconsin...finally!!!  There are robins, mud, and
WORMS!!!!!  We have WORMS!!!  Yes....we are aware that we've announced
spring's occurrence in the intro before...but then again, it'd snow after
we said it.  Hmmmmm....so we hope this is REALLY spring, and we really
hope it's not going to snow anymore!!!!!!!!

AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO THE ANTEATER IN CA:  Haven't heard from you much
lately...what's up?--from melvan

AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO DARIN IN GA:  Oh...nothing in particular, I just wanted
to put an announcement here!!!  Hahaha!  Oh-- when are you going to send
me that pumpkin?? lol!  And Dr. Pepper is *much* more awesome that Mr.
Pibb!!!!!  Hahaa! *HuGs*--from eener

AnD NoW for another InStAlLmEnT of....

How to tell you've been on IRC too long...or ADDICTED to IrC!!

 1.  You refer to your teachers, parents, and boss as "ops"
 2.  The only web pages you go to are those involved with irc
 3.  You own a bot
 4.  You run an election for an imaginary organization started on  an irc
     channel
 5.  You speak in constant random abbreviations...lol, brb, imho...etc.
 6.  Becoming lagged is your main concern in life..
 7.  You have the uncontrollable urge to refer to yourself in third person.
 8.  When you hear something funny, your first response is to want to say
     "LOL"
 9.  You change your nick when you're away...i.e. melvan becomes mel`sAway,
     etc.
10.  As an extention to #9...you stay on the computer, even when you're
     NOT there...for example, if you're in the shower, you stay logged on,
     and leave a message to say you're in the shower!!
11.  You get an extra phone line for the modem just so you can be on irc
     all the time.

(ain't it purdy how we lined it up like that?? hehehe :)

####################
AS THE TRACTOR BURNS
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

The Characters:
Raul:  played by Jim Varney
Esmerelda:  played by Roseanne
I.M. Gilty: played by O.J. Simpson
Howard Stern: played by Barney the Dinosaur
Al Rightithen: played by Jim Carrey
Buffy:  played by Princess Di

Last week on ATTB...oh...never mind...it doesn't really matter, because
we're completely changing the plot anyway! *diabolical laughter*

Scene is a campaign office...because Al is running for President of the
United States!!

Al:  If I'm elected, I promise to clean everyone's toilet for free!
Weird Al:  I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central
Station...with my tongue...than vote for you.  *looks around* Hey!!  I've
been here before!!  Only...I was a minister...and people are out looking
for me!!!  I'd better scram!!
(Weird Al disappears in a poof of sparkling smoke)
Al:  Hey, where'd he go?  *looks around*  Well, it doesn't matter, I have
to practice my campaign speech!
Esmerelda:  Can I be your campaign manager?
Raul:  No, that job's already taken.
Al:  I can have two...or five...
I.M.:  Okay, we'll all be campaign managers!!
Buffy:  I don't wanna be a campaign manager!  I wanna be a chicken fajita!
Al:  Actually, Buffy--I was thinking that you could be my makeup and hair
person!  I must look very spiffay in order to attain this office.
Esmerelda:  HEY!  I just realized you don't have a wife, Al!  Who is going
to be the first lady???
Buffy:   *thinks*  Hmmmm...ok, I'll be your makeup and hair person!
*poofs face powder in Al's general direction*
Al:  *practicing speech*  I will abolish taxes on Dr. Pepper, Spam, and
duct tape!

Next week we'll find out exactly how Al plans to raise money for the
National Society of Barn Door Builders if he takes the taxes off Spam.

***************
*  Wise Sage  *
***************
**Do you have one of those questions that keeps you up
  at night, wondering?  Ask the Wise Sage!
  email re11@uwrf.edu with your questions

Dear Wise Sage,

When You leave gummy bears in the sun too long, they stick together.  Why?

Rick Beuttenmuller



Dear Rick,

As you may guess from the name, gummy bears do in fact contain gum.  The
heat of the sun's rays beating down on the gummy bears causes a reaction
with the gum which causes it to become sticky, thus the bears stick
together.  You have probably already been asking yourself..."Does this
also apply to Forrest Gump, since 'Gum' is in his last name?"  And the
answer to that is a resounding "Yes!"  If Forrest Gump were in a bag with
gummy bears in the sun, he'd stick to them.

Wise Sage


*************************
Fruit Bats in your Toilet
*************************
**To see your original, funny stories, poems, ideas, or
  whatever in this section, email melvan@pressenter.com

In case you didn't notice....we've ChAnGeD the name of this column!!
Yessss indeedy.  We decided that people would be more likely to send their
thoughts and writings in to a column with this name.  Our "new name" is
more sophisticated, evoking vivid mental pictures, which we hope the
entries to this column will do also.  Thank you for your tyme.  (yes, I
missssspelled that on porpoise...we want you to send us your tyme cards,
or cash cards, or credit cards--and don't forget to enclose the pin
numbers!!!  Just kidding!!)  Have a nice day.


------------------
URGENT FME NEWS!!!
------------------

An announcement to all you DTUA people:  Go see the DTUA page!!
http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/dtua/ An announcement to all the rest of
you:  Go see the Macheen Shed!!
http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/


----------------
Dumb Poetry in a
Card Type Trash
----------------

Keychain
--------

A
keychain
without keys

eener






Unt
---

Childhood friend
lived out in the yard
turned into a frisbee

melvan

Oaten
-----

I found
the answer to
world hunger
in
my
belly button.

eener

Reassurrance
------------

Well at least
I never
had a friend
named
Unt.

eener

Rebuttal
--------

I never
named
my
belly button.

melvan


******

This is the end of the 29th issue of Farm Macheenery (exploding).

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Come visit the Macheen Shed:  http://www.pressenter.com/~melvan/macheen/

This document is copyright 1996 by Renee Elrod and Melissa Hoffmeyer,
except for the poems, stories, and letters sent by other people.  Feel
free to distribute this document far and wide as long as it is not changed
in any way.  FME reserves the right to edit any material sent in (in
regards to punctuation, spelling, content, AND bacon).

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